“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Alhamdulillah this journey of fay and family has been a rollercoaster that has taught us a great deal of lessons, myself first…

This blog initially started off just as something I enjoyed to do… I started a non-fictional blog called ‘silent living’.. Thus my name… But writing a true story has a few disadvantages and so I unfortunately had to delete the blog..

But due to my great passion for writing, I decided that no-one should come in my way of doing what makes me happy and so I started foreveramessup…

It started off as just a simple story of a young girl with marital problems and inlaw dilemmas.. But with the help of all the readers, I decided to make it beneficial… Not just a panchaat story that’s relatable to daily life, but solutions to our daily life problems at the same time…

And so the journey continued… We all hopped onto the train to find out ‘when we’ll ever succeed’ .

Fay had issues with her husband and inlaws but never was she rude or disrespectful to any of them… As a muslim, we are taught to keep our cool and always be the better person, especially to those who have wronged us…

Eventually the time came when ismail realised how pathetic his family really was and the truth about why he was so abusive finally came out..

In life we learn that those who were brought up in an abusive environment in most cases turn out to be abusive themselves… Very rarely are people saved from this vicious cycle of life..

Ismail had his moods… Most of us didn’t like him because of his abusive and disrespectful nature.. This teaches us to not be abusive or disrespectful… That our character towards our spouses and family is of utmost importance…

Ladies! If you have an abusive husband, my suggestion is run!!! Because 90% of men who abuse their wives even once will never change…. They’ll never stop abusing you… Maybe it will calm down for a while like ismail did… But it will continue forever because its in their nature…

You don’t have to put up with someones abuse because he makes you feel like no-one else will want you.. Because he’s made you believe that you are worthless.. You deserve much better in life..

Parents, respecting your spouse is vital… It plays a major part in your childs upbringing… Majority of kids from a healthy background, reciprocate such behaviour.. So show love to your spouse, comfort and support.. And this is what your child will do in return…

Mums… Kids are an amaanat, a trust… They need guidance all the time.. While they are young.. Go out of your way to teach them right from wrong and don’t allow anyone to come in your way.. Each parent has their own child to take care of and discipline in their own way… And you have yours.. No-one should tell you how to bring your child up and what works for one parent doesn’t always work for the next..

Once your kids are adults, allow them to make their own decisions.. Do not control them or interfere in any of the decisions they make.. Leave them to make their own mistakes. They’re after all adults and you have already taught them well enough what is right and wrong..

Support them in their decisions and be happy for them in everything that they do… All any human being ever wants is love and appreciation.

As human beings, let us always show love and appreciation… Because you never know what a difference you can make to someones life…

Be careful of how you treat others because we don’t know what difficulties or hardships the next person is silently going through..

Don’t over step any boundaries as muslims, parents, kids, wives, husbands, or human beings..

Salma and aqeel were loved by all.. They were the most favourite characters… Reason being… They were lovable, respectable and always jolly and carefree…That’s a lesson for us too..

From aqeels life we learnt that he honoured his first wife who took advantage of him… But Allah is Just and will never let a person suffer without recompensating him with something better. And his better was finally getting a homely girl like salma..

Salma kept herself chaste and no matter her circumstances did not give in to the temptations of this world.. Her test was waiting to get married till she was quite old even though she’d never adopted zina… But in the end, she found her gem… And because she did things the halaal way… Allah showed her the sweetness thereafter..

Dada and dadi were such loving and Allah fearing people and in the end we see how Allah took dadi in the best of conditions because of the effort of many years…

On the contrary, ismails parents were rotten… They abused him, lived materialistic lives, hated everyone, were stingy and small hearted…. And no-one liked them… The hadith says something to this effect.. That a generous person is close to Allah, close to the people, close to jannah and far from jahannam whereas a stingy person is far from Allah, far from (the hearts) of people, far from jannah and close to jahannam..

Let us open up our hearts and homes for everybody inshallah..

Rukaya was another most hated character… Let us ask ourselves why? It was because of her ingratitude, her evil ways, her anger, her bitterness… Let us ask ourselves How much of rukayas qualities do we have in our lives? If we do, let’s make an effort to change that..

Kulsum and sulaiman had changed their ways. Allah had tested them by not giving them kids.. This is a common test in todays time.. For those who are trying and Allah has not granted it to you.. My heart goes out to you.. Only you know what you’re going through and I pray that Allah grants every married couple beautiful normal and pious offspring inshallah… But if Allah hasn’t granted that to you, know that He is All-Wise and knows exactly the reason for everything.. He has something far greater planned for you instead..

Chotikhala… It is a sad reality that we are facing in todays times… Where zina is so prevalent… Young girls are falling pregnant and having abortions while others bring those innocent and illegitimate kids into this world… Half of them are unsure of whom the father is… And then we move on to the next man and the next man… As much as we want to believe that this doesn’t happen in our muslim communities, I’m afraid it does.. And as the days are drawing closer to qiyaamah, the times are only getting worse.. Its about time we leave the evil ways of the disbelievers and tart following the practices of the holy quraan and sunnah of our beloved nabi(S.A.W)..

This world is a prison for the believers… And a paradise for the disbelievers… Someone so beautifully explained that we take this world like its paradise for us when adam(alayhis salaam) was sent here as a punishment..

Know that whatever difficulty anyone is suffering from… Its all going to end someday.. Nothing besides Allah will last forever.. So hold on to the hope that Allah provides.. Hold on to the rope of islam and hold on until we reach our final abode…

There are so many more topics I would love to touch on, like sodomy, racism, music, dancing, entertainment, hijaab, modesty… And the list goes on… But unfortunately this is the end.. If you’d like more on these topics, reread the blog…

I would personally like to thank every person that took time to read this blog.. those who were silent readers and those who took time to comment.. Some occasionally and some on a daily basis..

As much as stats shouldn’t bother us, its what movated me to continue.. That people were still reading… The comments motivated me the most.. Some days giving me inspiration on what to write about next..

I loved the interaction and I loved those who corrected me with much wisdom where I went wrong..

To those who. May have hurt, offended or had slight arguments with, I beg of you from the bottom of my heart for forgiveness… We are all human and we are all trying our best to get to Allah.. Even though we may fall and fail many times, but our ultimate aim is to reach Allah someday..

There were down days where I felt like just giving up and quitting the blog.. Certain comments that put me down and made me despondent but overall its been an awesome journey and I would never be able to do it without all of you…

Just some people I feel obliged to mention for their greatest support and motivation…
Sister A
Binte ahmed
Journey admin
Semra polat

A special jazakallah to you all…..

my next post will be details to my new blogs inshallah…



part 343:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

salmas point of view

It was like a huge wave of guidance washed over the community… Or basically the ‘forever messed up’ community..

Everyone seemed so much less messed up then they originally were…

Starting with fay… She has become someone that I admire so much.. She took a hold of her life and became a strong woman of success..

She was no longer a scared puppy just blindly following ismails demands..

Fay joined me in niqaab aswel… After a particular taaleem we had attended where we met the famous ‘sajida’ for the very first time…

Well we didn’t know it was her at first…

A very well respected scholar of islaam had come to town upon the request of many to address us regarding the importance of women in islam. Fay and I decided to leave a little earlier since there may be a larger crowd expected than usual..

As we sat down and got comfortable, there was another young, petite and neat lady that occupied the spot next to us…

She had a little boy around humairas age or slightly older with her.. He was such a friendly little chap and he gave humaira all the entertainment she needed for the rest of the hour that we listened to the inspiring and motivational lecture…

The respected aalim spoke about womans rights in islam.. About how our beauty is only for those who value us.. He spoke about how this great sacrifice in this world would grant us the honourable gift of actually witnessing the countenance of Allah Ta’alah and how not acting upon this command of Allah could deprive us of even smelling the fragrance of jannah…

I immediately felt such elation deep within my heart that Allah had chosen me for this noble deed..

He gave such great examples of why a woman who is covered is valued so much more and granted so much more respect.. Protected in most ways..

“Why is it that when a cyclist where’s a helmet for his own protection, no-one ever makes a big fuss about it.. No-one laughs and mocks at them even when they wear it in the blistering heat.. Why? Because everyone understands that they’re wearing it for their own protection.. Their own safety…” Moulana had explained… ” But when a muslim woman, out of her own will chooses to follow the command of Allah by donning the niqaab, for her own protection and safety, then suddenly she is deprived and oppressed? I ask you my dear mothers and sisters… What is the difference between the motorist and the muslim women in this case?”

It was definitely food for thought….

” My dear sisters, we as parents complain about the nudity of our young girls today… But who has given them the money or who has bought those almost nude pieces of cloth for them to barely cover up? Who is to blame? Those young girls who were taught from so young to show off their clothes and their bodies? Or the parent themselves who encourage and applaud such things? Where is the hayAa going to my dear mothers and sisters? Why is zina becoming more and more common in todays time? It s because of what my nabi(sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) has said over 1400 years ago… And what did he say? He said: “ithaa faatakal hayaa, faf’al maa shi’ta” that when hayaa.. Modesty has disappeared, then you will do as you wish..”

It was such a talk that at the end of the talk, almost every woman in that gathering looked remorseful and also had this zeal that they would love to do more for the pleasure of Allah….

“My dear mothers and sisters… Let us ask ourselves before we end this gathering, that if the ummahaatul mu’mineen…the mothers of the believers.. The wives and beloved daughters of our nabi(Sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) had to don the niqaab… And yet they were so pure and never an evil intention ever crossed their mind… Then how pure and innocent are we that the command of Allah is not for us? Are we that pure? Are we that innocent? Are our hearts so much more full of taqwah that we feel that it is not necessary for us?”

And with that moulana concluded the talk with a beautiful dua, asking Allah to protect the believing women and grant them the high stages in jannatul firdous that they deserve for their sacrifices in this world…

We hurried to get up before everyone else and noticed the young girl with her kid and an elderly lady leaving around the same time…

As we left the house and headed for our car faaiza called out: “it was really nice meeting you… My names faaiza by the way… Maaf, I didn’t get your name back there? And your little handsome ones name over here….”

“Jee it was nice meeting you too… I’m sajida.. This is my mummy, maimoona and my son, ebrahim…” She replied timidly

“You guys not from around here? I haven’t seen you before…” Faaiza inquired trying not to be too inquisitive….

“Actually no.. We’re from durban originally, but I’m married here and we’ve been around for quite a few years already, we just not the extrovert type so… You know how it goes..?” Sajida replied..

“Who are you married to?” I asked rather curious. We know almost everyone in town…

Sajida looked awkwardly at her mother before she replied.. And when she did tell us who she was married to, the conversation only got more interesting…

Faaiza explained to her who she was and from then on we all exchanged numbers and became rather friendly with eachother for years after that…

That evening when aqeel got home, I couldn’t help but blurt out who we’d finally met…

We heard the whole big deal about altaaf getting married again and all that but never knew to who..

“Well I should just warn you mr. You ever try any such stunts… You can take your things and chuck!” I threatened, pointing in the direction of the front door, even though I know what a gem of a man he is..

“Really?” He smirked.. “But there’s nothing wrong with having 2 wives honey.. Or even 3 or 4…. Its sunnah…”

“Funny how you men always bring that out.. Its sunnah” I mimicked the way he’d said that.. “Its also sunnah” I mimicked again… “to do a lot of other things and more importantly fardh” I emphasised, “to do lots more but conveniently you men only pick out what you feel is sunnah… And besides… Getting married in secret is no sunnah… Nabi(Sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘announce the nikaah..’ Didn’t he?”

“Jee apa…” Aqeel teased clearly enjoyed that he was getting my blood boiling with this subject… What? I’m normal and every woman has abit of a jealous and possessive streak in her.. I just can’t seem to share my man with someone else.. And if some women are strong enough to do it.. Then that’s their business.. I can’t.. I just can’t…

“And you men also conveniently forget about how fair you’re supposed to be to each one of your wives… Because if you’re not, you will wake up on the day of qiyaamah with your entire one side paralyzed…”. I took this subject rather seriously…

Aqeel swept me off my swollen feet and swung me around laughing hysterically…. He then looked me in the eye and said: “You are my one.. My only… I don’t need another wifey…. You’re my everything and I’ll love you forever!”

And so ends the story of a bunch of crazy people who all turned out to eventually succeed.. Not only in this world.. But hopefully in the next aswel…

So the question no longer remains… ‘When will we ever succeed?’ We will always succeed as long as we have Allah by our sides… As long as the quraan is our guide and as long as muhammad mustapha (Sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) is our role model….

With that… From the entire forever a mess-up team….

Fi amaanillah!

‘The end!’

Authors note:
What a beautiful day to end this blog.. On a jumu’ah whilst we are being showered with the beautiful blessings of Allah ta’aalah here in south africa.. Jumu’ah mubarak everyone…
Inshallah tomorrow I will have my final post of advices derived from the blog up and then details to my new ‘blogs’ will soon be released…
Jx once again to every single person…. You all are just the best for carrying me through this awesome journey like angels on your blessed wings…


part 342:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

rukayas point of view

With all this drama of choti khala, I hadn’t even had a chance to ask my children how their lunch had gone at their granny.. Not that I cared anyway…

I didn’t even get to ask fayaaz why he came away before everyone else..

Choti khala and I became quite close when she came to stay here.. I enjoyed her company at times.. Mummy says its because the 2 of us are a lot alike.. I don’t agree though..

And then we had that major bust up before I decided to go killing myself…

And today, here we stand… I’m alive and she’s gone..

It made me think.. Our life is not in our hands.. Actually everything lies in Allahs hands…

There’s a reason why Allah chose to give me another chance… I truly am fortunate…. Nows my chance to make a difference.. To change…

Or so I thought…

Everyone gathered in my room a few days after the mayyit… I was busy performing my salaah and felt abit awkward that I was being watched.. I know that I’m not supposed to feel shy about praying to Allah, but I haven’t done it in years and it just did feel a bit uncomfortable.

As soon as I’d made salaam, I pulled off my burkah and looked at everyone…

Thamina, fayAaz, kulsum, my mother… ‘Now what?’ Was the first thing I thought…

They all gave me a sympathetic look…

Kulsum broke the silence first…” Rooks… There’s something we all need to tell you…”

“Oh great! Now what?” I groaned

“I think its best if you sit down first…” Mummy suggested

I did as I was told and occupied a spot on the king sized bed.. I looked at them waiting for them to spill it..

“Well, mummy… Err.. You know we were invited for lunch on sunday by ma?” Thamina began

“Aha” I nodded with a creased forehead..

“And remember I came earlier to tell you something.. But then we sort of had a fight before I could tell you?” Fayaaz continued.

“Yeah?” I said getting agitated

“Well we were invited for a reason….. Please don’t flip!” FayAaz pleaded

“Look rukaya, whatevers about to be said shouldn’t matter anymore… Just please don’t go crazy on all of us but altaf has another wife and the kids had no idea how to tell you….”

I was too stunned to say a word…. Altaf has another wife? Those words echoed in my head and nothing elde anyone said was heard.. Everything was spinning around me for a while.. It was like someone pierced a sharp knife through my already sore heart…

“Rukaya? Are you listening to me?” Kulsum asked..

They began explaining everything to me about altaf, his other wife and child.. It all made so much of sense now.. How he’d been behaving recently… How distant we’d become in the past few years..

My mother asked the kids to leave the room…

“Rukaya… I know that whatever you’re going through hurts a lot… The divorce, chotikhalas sudden death, and now this… You’re probably feeling a lot of anger inside and I think its best that you see someone to help you cope….” Kulsum said..

“Are you implying that I’m crazy?” I snapped

Kulsum sighed heavily…”I didn’t once say that rukaya.. This is just as hard on everyone else as it is on you… There’s nothing wrong with getting help to deal with your issues and fears… We’re here if you want to talk it out. But sometimes you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone that you know.. You’ll always have that fear that they’re judging you for the way you feel.. That’s why I suggest you speak to a counsellor.. Just to help you heal faster… Your kids need you.. Its not easy on them seeing you in this depression…”

And so I gave it some thought.. Not immediately ofcourse..I thought over it for a long while after they’d given me the talk and then oneday, couple of weeks later, I was finally ready to talk to someone…

I visited a muslim psychologist nearby who put me on some antidepressants… Green pills are what I call it.. Because they honestly give me the green signal to go ahead in life…

On top of that, I’ve chosen to talk to Allah aswel… To accept what has happened, to accept that I was partially to blame for my life turning upside down…

My psychologist helped me to stop feeling so bitter, to think positively… She helped me overcome my insecurities.. she helped me to stop blaming everyone and everything else around me and to start taking control of my life..

I became more of a mother to my kids… More of a servant to Allah and in due time, I eventually even accepted hafsa into our home..

Life was different… I missed having altaaf as a husband.. I missed my luxurious life and no doubt, I had my very down days where I would just wallow up in my room alone… But i can surely say that life had change for me.. For the better and I managed, with Allahs help to somehow come out and deal with every situation..

Authors note:
I think I’ve covered almost everything now so There will be just one more post and then I’ll post a closing to the blog with a few advices from my part… Following that will be details to my new ‘blogs’ inshallah..

And then I will be taking a short break before continuing with ‘the missing pieces joined’ inshallah



part 341:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

ismails point of view

“WHAT!!!” Everyone screamed in unison once I’d divulged the information at hand….

And then their glares fell upon mahmood who was nervously shining his samsung on his jeans… He dared not to look up..

“Mahmood!!! Is that true?” Shouted an angry bari khala..

He remained silent…

“Answer me dammit! Is that true?” She asked for a second time

“Why don’t you people give him a chance to explain everything to you all from the beginning? I think its only fair since the poor guy had been silenced all this while” I suggested

“so boy! Speak! We want to know what the heck is going on once a for all.. This family seems to have way too many skeletons lurking in the damn closet..” Mamajee spoke

I gave my father a smirk that made him quite uncomfortable.. But I wasn’t going to let out his secret… Choti is gone! Let’s just hope it served as some kind of change for him..

After faaiza admonished me for wanting to blow it all in everyones faces, I started contemplating… I have many hidden secrets.. My abuse towards my wife.. My split personality at times.. The rough stuff I’d done as a youngster and my not being such a perfect muslim..

Too many more things to even mention.. But I thought, that if I keep my fathers mistakes a secret.. Inshallah, Allah will not disgrace and expose me in this world nor the hereafter..

I heard the hadith to the effect that whosoever conceals the fault of his brother.. Allah will conceal his faults on the day of qiyaamah..

So with that in mind, I just let it go.. And so did aqeel… We were done with all this now..

And so mahmood, bari khallas husbands son from his previous marriage, whom bari khalla had brought up from very young, started to explain everything about his and choti khalas relationship from the very beginning..

About how he’d befriended her, comforted her, respected her and then fallen for her..

About how they’d conceived danyaal when bari khalla and her husband were not around and how choti khala made a huge fuSs about it being a big mistake and that he could never see the child…

Once she’d given birth, she moved away this side and threatened that if he ever told anyone anything or claimed this child, she would get a restraining order against him and evetually get him locked up…

I’ve heard that many times from choti khalla… She always felt like the law would always be on her side..

Even when we were kids, if anyone treated her in a way that she Didn’t like, she would threaten to call the police..

Sad.. But its over…. Shukr to Allah….

“So then it would only be fair for mahmood to have what’s rightfully his…” My father suggested

Everyone was still too shocked to say anything further.. And so it was decided that he would stay around for a while to get to know danyaal and once he was used to mahmood, he would eventually move with him to durban…

For now, danyaal would continue to stay with my mother as he’s quite familiar with all of them..

It would damage him if he was just forced all in one go to go and live with a complete stranger..

My mother didn’t look too thrilled, but there was no other alternative.. And since everyone was fully charged on changing their lives after the sudden mishap in the family, she agreed..

Mahmood was ever too glad to have his son In his life and to top it all off, he was engaged and soon to be married and his bride to be accepted that he had another child…

And so life for us all moved on… I can’t say happily ever after because no-ones life is a happily ever after.. But atleast I can say that no-ones life was ‘forever a mess up’ in the end!

Even rukaya.. Can you believe it…? With all the drama of the mayyit going on, rukaya didn’t quite get a chance to hear the news that we all thought would change her life for the worst…..


part 340:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

mother in laws point of view

The atmosphere at the mayyit was sombre and everyones moods were dampened with the sudden death of choti…

I know that she’s done so much to hurt all of us in her short time in this world, but in the end of the day, we are blood.. She is my real sister after all..

And every one of us has caused harm to someone in our lives..

I know I haven’t been the perfect muslim, perfect mother, perfect wife or even perfect mother in law or sister… I have also hurt many in my life… But I have come to realise that this world is so short and temporary…

There is no point holding grudges against everybody…

Everyone was too shocked to even cry.. Actually, no-one really cried at chotis mayyit..

I found myself wondering if it was because everyone was glad that she was out of our lives or whether they were truly stunned and realisation hadn’t yet dawned upon them…

And then I started to ponder about my very own mayyit… It would most probably be in this very house.. And who knows how soon from now things will turn and my body will be laying right here like chotis is..

Will everyone be glad that I had died?

Would everyone be relieved that I was out of the picture?

I did some serious introspection and decided that it still wasn’t too late to change.. I could repent unto Allah and change my life for the better before my time comes to leave this very world..

There weren’t too many people that attended the mayyit..

It was mainly our family and a few local people who knew us and wanted to pass on their condolences to us..

Choti didn’t even really have any mahrams to carry her body…

It was just our brother and rukayas 2 boys, yusuf and fayaaz.. Mohammed ihsaan was still a baby… Ismail wasn’t my real son, so he wasn’t even chotis mahram, kulsum had no kids and bari’s only son was her step…

Boys are a blessing to have… And unfortunately Allah hadn’t blessed me with my own.. And even though I’d adopted ismail, the anger within me that he wasn’t born from me, made me treat him the way I did..

I know what I did… But out of my own ‘izzat’ and my own respect, I would never admit it to anyone else…

I just pray that Allah can forgive me and guide me to the straight path very soon..

Once everyone had left and it was just us family, we all needed to discuss what was going to happen to chotis baby…

As much as I would love to keep him, I can’t.. I’m not as young and fit as I used to be and I’ve never really looked after any of my grandchildren, so I’m not very experienced in todays day and age with regards to bringing babies up..

I voiced my opinion and my husband nodded in agreement at that…

“What hajoo is saying is true.. We can’t… Err.. We won’t be able to..”

I offered Ismail and faaiza to stay a while to help us solve this issue.. They were surprised at my sudden hospitality towards them, but they agreed anyway..
” You may not be my real son and daughter in law.. But you are so much a part of this family.. Please.. Stay!”

I noticed that they didn’t say much throughout the meeting.. But I don’t blame them, they probably don’t feel comfortable around us anymore..

My brother suggested “why don’t kulsum and sulaiman take him… They’ve always wanted children..”

Sulaiman: ” danyaal is kulsums cousin.. He won’t be her mahram.. Once he becomes baaligh, it just becomes complicated…”

” Not that I wouldn’t want to… We did consider it on our way here…”Kulsum interrupted

There was silence again in the room… And then ismail finally spoke, addressing no-one in particular….”The only solution to this whole thing is to return the child to his father…”

“But that’s impossible… No-one knows who the father is… Or if he’s even still alive.. He was just some pakistani guy who left her or died before choti could even give birth…” My husband butted in

Ismail shook his head and stared straight at his father who shifted awkwardly in his seat…” I can’t believe you all were gullible enough to believe that about her… That’s not even true…”

“And how would you know ismail? If its not true, then who is the father?that’s what choti told us, and if the father was alive, he would have definitely come for his son in these 2 years” Bari spoke now..

Ismails confession about what they knew caught us all offguard….


part 339:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

father in laws point of view

Ya Allah!!!! Is this Allahs way of making me change my life and give up sin? Ya Allah!! I could have been sleeping with her in the same bed when the thieves broke in and we both could have been lying dead next to eachother… A disgrace that people will be talking about for years..

I couldn’t stop thinking of how Allah had saved me and I felt completely indebted to Allah, more now then I have ever felt in my life…

Its sad that at my age I’ve waited for someone to die before I made a decision to change my life.. All the people I know around my age are already preparing themselves for a meeting with their Creator.. While I prepared myself for destruction.. But its never too late I suppose.. If Allah chooses to guide you, no-one can deviate you, whereas when Allah chooses to deviate one from his remembrance, no-one will be able to bring them back onto the straight path..

I took the screaming child from the lady next door.. I hushed him in my arms for a while..

“Mimi…. I want mimi…” He started as soon as I’d taken him… And I immediately felt some kind of compassion towards this child..

How was I going to take this child to the rest of the family and explain to them what had just happened..? Who was going to look after him? He has no father.. Now no mother.. He has no siblings… No-one.. He only has us.. And we are too old to look after him..

I was stressing beyond what words could express… I tried to be strong for his sake.. Not to show him that anything was wrong as I patted his head awkwardly, but ofcourse he knew that something was not normal.. Where in the world had his mother gone suddenly? How come she was there one moment? And now not?

Someone heard screams and glass breaking at around 4:30am but after some deliberation decided that there was nothing wrong and it was just their imagination.. But then they heard danyaals persistant screaming for so long and to put their mind at ease went to check what was going on because honestly speaking, no woman in their right mind would leave their child to scream like that in the middle of the night for so long…

And to their horror they found the glass on the front door broken and a clear forced entry into the house.. The door was left wide open and choti was already lying on the floor of her newly furnished apartment, dead…!

They didn’t know who to contact as her cellphone was also stolen so there were no contact details of anyone in particular…

I put danyaal into the car and drove around in circles trying to figure out what to tell hajoo and I drove and drove, he eventually fell asleep.. I felt my face and realised that I was actually sweating and in tears one at the same time..

In all my years, I had never seen someone close to me dying in this manner.. I decided that this was my very wake up call and hopefully a wake up call for everyone in our house hold..

I eventually stopped outside the house, parked the car in the driveway and rushed into the house forgetting to even take danyaal with me.. I wasn’t used to having extra baggage..

Rukaya and her mother were at it again and I could hear them from outside but they stopped dead in their tracks as soon as they’d noticed the probably pale expression on my face…

“What daddy? What happened to you?” Rukaya asked with a frown on her face…

I shook my head and looked down, preparng for the worst… ” They found choti… In her apartment.. She was murdered”

Both the expressions on hajoo and rukayas faces turned to sudden shock.. Their mouths hang open… Rukaya put her hands to her mouth in utter disbelief while all the blood drained from hajoos face as she tried to grab hold of the closest chair to sit down..

Death was a reality which we all needed to face at some point… Choti however, faced it much sooner than we’d all expected…

Authors note:
Jx to all for the constant support.. Just a reminder that there are only a handful or less of posts left before the end of this blog…. I can’t tell you exactly at what post we will end as I do not pre-pen posts, I write them just before posting.. But just know that its very soon..


part 338:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

father in laws point of view

This weekend I planned to spend with choti… Every now and then I like to take a break away from all this drama and tension in my house and I seemed to have found some kind of enjoyment in choti’s company..

Don’t look at me like that.. I did feel guilty at times, but not enough to stop what I was doing..

After so many years of monotony, I finally had something to look forward to..

It all started oneday in my own house.. I never looked at choti like that before.. Actually, I despised her.. But when she started making a move on me, I actually felt the thrill of being wanted..

I was old.. But not cold yet….

At first I ignored her attempts of flirting with me, I thought I was just imagining things. Ofcourse she only made her moves when hajoo wasn’t looking.. And as the time went by, I also took advantage of her flirtatious character..

We had some very good times and she made me feel good in ways I hadn’t felt in ages..

Once hajoo was sleeping, I would occasionally sneek into her room in the middle of the night.. Hajoo sleeps as dead as a rock so that was fine. But when rukaya and company came to stay here… That was it.. It became too risky so that’s why occasionally I would get missing, book a room at a lodge for the 2 of us and that’s where we got to do our hanky panky business..

But the problem that I didn’t realise in the beginning was that choti was only after my money.. Not that I had much, but she started to threaten me at some point that if I don’t give her her own fully furnished place to stay then she would tell everyone that I was hitting on her and tried to rape her.. She would make sure my marriage breaks and that my name is disgraced in the entire community..

I was afraid and what to do, now I couldn’t even back out. I started to feel the effects of this grave sin I’d committed but unfortunately there was no turning back..

If I could advise anyone from my mistakes, my one advice would be to never engage in sin.. Because sin is what causes restlessness in the heart, it eats up good deeds, whatever little we have and it destroys everything that we’ve ever had.

I ended up buying her the 3 bedroom flat on ground floor at one of the complex’s that she chose which was way out of my budget.. And once that was done, she made me fully furnish it with expensive furniture of her choice before she could even move in.. That’s what cost me to suffer financially and my entire shop ended up going insolvent..

This is the problem with sin… Once you start, you end up going deeper and deeper into it until your entire life is destroyed right infront of you..

So this weekend, like I said, was supposed to be spent with her.. But I just felt like I couldn’t anymore.. Like I needed time to think my life through. I prayed like I haven’t prayed in years and begged Allah to give me some kind of way out and help me to fix my life up…

I was worried when choti didn’t even get angry that I didn’t come. She’s usually very temperamental and gets angry for every little thing.. A lot like rukaya. So i decided that the best was to come to some kind of closure about this whole affair before it gets even worse than it already is.. An affair it most definitely was..

I drove to the flat just after sunrise with the hope that things could be changed, but when I got there, I was baffled to see cops galore at the complex and people of the complex looked terribly distraught…

My greatest fears surfaced as I jumped out of the car and proceeded to the flat..

There was yellow tape cordoning off certain areas close to chotis flat..

I spotted her child in a white neighbours arms.. But I ignored it and rushed to the flat..

Everything was turned upside down, cupboards were emptied onto the floor.. Glass lay broken everywhere and then I almost lost consciousness when I spotted chotis now blue body lying on the floor in a pool of fresh blood…

She had been murdered in cold blood…