“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-
sajidas point of view
Life for me has always been tough and rocky.. But I thank Allah for all the trials He’d put me through because all those trials had made me as strong as I am…
My mum has sacrificed all that she had for me.. I was her only strength. I was her everything.. She worked endlessly to give me whatever I needed and so we grew together.
Yes we have our petty fights or arguments now and then.. All mothers and daughters do I suppose. But I always give in first because of the guilt I feel.. I owe my mother all the respect in the world..
So the day altaaf asked to marry me, I was disgusted and angry.. I felt disappointed in him and lost respect. I thought I’d never be able to face him again and I was seriously considering giving in my resignation even though it was so soon after I’d just begun working there..
It was only because of my mother that I’d decided to forgive him and give it a go.. I always felt that my mother knew best and after all the guys that seemed interested in me before, this was the only one she seemed satisfied with..
Every other guy was always too immature or abit suspect looking or too fat or too thin or too geeky.. She was never satisfied and it didn’t bother me in the least because I was never in love with anyone and had no intentions of getting married in the first place.
It took her 48 full hours to finally convince me to atleast make istikharah and after giving in, I did..
My istikhaara made me feel a little bit at ease.. Not towards altaaf really, I still had my doubts, but towards my mother.. I decided to give it a try to make her happy..
Even though it got lonely at times without him, and I always wondered when our life would be normal, I never regretted marrying him..
Altaaf fulfilled every promise he ever made to me and my mum and he respected her as his own.
I missed him dearly the nights he was away but I eventually grew accustomed to this new life..
I never wished to break up his marriage.. I always encouraged him to try harder and patch things up, if not for her, but atleast for his kids sake..
I couldn’t hate her.. She was his first wife and his first choice.. I was just secondary.. If there was anyone to be hated on. It was me..
The guilt continued throughout these 5 years until the day after the meeting with his inlaws when he broke the news to me that he’d given much thought and given her a divorce..
I felt even worse that day and was angry at first at his decision.. But more because I worried that eventually he’ll get fed up of me too and dump me the way my father left my mother and the way he’d just dropped his first wife..
But altaf reassured me over and over again that that would never happen.. And that it had nothing to do with me.. And that the divorce was inevitable.
I’ll be lying if I told you that I wasn’t glad.. Because now my husband could spend more time with me.. He could be apart of our gorgeous sons upbringing and watch him as he reaches his ever milestone.
The day he suddenly arrived at the house after the hospital and said that he wanted to introduce me to the family, I was totally taken aback.. I was caught completely offguard and wasn’t expecting it in the least..
I really wasn’t ready.. I was terrified but I was also afraid that altaf would leave me if I said I didn’t want to meet his family. You can’t blame me for my insecurities.. I’ve only seen the evil of this world.. I’ve never known true happiness..
I was restless throughout the night today and they say that when you’re breastfeeding, your emotions are transmitted to your little one.. I’m sure ebrahim could sense it because he’d been restless for most of the night too..
I couldn’t stop thinking about whether I was making the right choice or not and if right now was the best time to put things straight once and for all…
“What’s bothering you sweetheart?” I was started by altafs gentle voice as I carefully got back to bed once ebrahim had fallen asleep again
I sighed heavily….”Its nothing!”
Altaf pulled me closer to him and ran his fingers through my hair…” I know its nothing. Tell me what’s bothering you.. Since when do we ever hide things from eachother?”
“I’m not hiding anything love.. Its just….” I paused before regaining the courage to say it… ” Maybe I’m ready to meet your family… But I’m not hundred percent sure.. I don’t ever want you to have to choose between me and your kids.. It just wouldn’t be fair to them…”
Even though it was dark, I could feel his wide grin all over his face as his grip around my waist tightened… “Who said I’ll ever have to choose darling?” He began.. ” You are my wife and they are my kids.. There’s no need for choosing either one.. And no-ones going to stop me from loving you for the rest of my life..”