“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-
We had load shedding that specific night… Lights out.. Typical south africa.. But it suited me fine. I didn’t want to do anything for the dog.. I left him to fend for himself..feed himself and suffer
I could hear him and the kids trying to figure things out in the kitchen while he tried to switch on the gas stove…
His first attempt to do something for himself.
I wish I could chuck him out of the house… But where does he really have to go? He has no family really.. I don’t understand why I even feel sorry for the rubbish..
He asked the kids to call me to have tea..
“Mama.. Daddy made tea on the gas stove.. Please come drink your tea before it gets cold..” Riyaad begged, melting my heart
” No my love.. I’m not hungry okay… I’m not coming…” I answered
Raadiya came a while later to beg me aswel, but I declined her offer..
When I’m angry or upset, unlike others who find comfort in food or ice-cream… I don’t! I don’t have much of an appetite for anything so I went to bed hungry that night dreaming about my sorry life…
I awoke the next day refreshed and with a better zeal for life…
As I set the table for sunday breakfast of omelettes or masala eggs, I contemplated a way of getting my point through to ismail.
I heard him go outside to smoke and I breathed in heavily before exhaling and walking out behind him..
He continued looking at his phone and puffing on his peter stuyvesant but he definitely knew that I was there…
“Babes” I began in a very straight tone with my arms folded. “I think its about time we stop this immaturity. We are both adults and need to get our acts straight…”
He remained silent and still didn’t look up.. But ofcourse he was listening.. So I continued: “we have kids.. And its just not fair to have them witness this kind of nonsense.. Just because you’re over tired or badly influenced, doesn’t mean you treat me the way you want..”
He glared at me from the corner of his eye and I thought he was going to say something.. But he didn’t so I took advantage..
“You need to decide what it is that you want in your life.. I’m not some piece of rubbish for you to treat me the way you feel like and beat around for absolutely nothing. I’m a loyal wife to you.. I care about you, your belongings and your kids.. I don’t abuse your money and I never run around like some loose woman in the streets.. I deserve some kind of respect in my life for the kind of wife that I am to you.. If I was sleeping around behind your back or running a mock, I can’t understand being beaten up for that.. but I don’t do any of that… I sit in this house and slog for you.. And if you’re not willing to do that and make a change to your attitude, then I suggest you pack your things and find somewhere else to live.. I’ve had just about enough of your crap all these years and I refuse to do this any longer.. Today is the day it needs to stop…” I took a breath…
“So now you’re kicking me out?” Was his only response to my very long speech
“Well if you’re immature enough to take it as that, then that’s your decision… Because I gave you a choice… A simple one.. I said its, you either treat me with respect or get out.. And since you’ve chosen to only hear the last of my statement, it clearly means that you’re not willing to respect me… Is that what you’re saying?” I replied
“I didn’t say that!” He snapped…
“Well I want to make something very clear.. I’m not your damn punching bag… And for all these years you’ve played mind games on me… You’ve always made it seem like I’m to blame.. But now I’m not that stupid or dependant on you anymore… Alhamdulillah, Allah has made me less dependant on you.. So if you opt out.. Don’t think I’ll be stranded.. I won’t be… I can cope quite fine without you.. I don’t need you.. But I choose to stick with you because you happen to be my husband and that’s what a couples supposed to do..stick together!” I really didn’t need him anymore..
Ismail looked shocked at my statements.. He probably didn’t expect me to be so bold and brave.. But I felt it and I’d had enough..
I could see a flash of hurt in his eyes and he still didn’t look up at me…
I felt like saying: “say something dammit so I know how you feel…”
But when I realised thathe wasn’t going to say anything else, I turned on my heels and continued inside shouting over my shoulder: “and breakfast is almost ready when you’re done with that rubbish…”