part 326:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

He threw himself to lay down next to me…

I faced my back to him and just ignored him…. I didn’t want him to touch me… I didn’t even want him here… Or did I? I was confused…

“Are you going to sleep?” He asked coldly

I ignored…. What does he think? One minute he’s beating the living day lights out of me and the next minute all is forgotten and I’m supposed to smile and say.. ” Oh ofcourse my dear hubby!”… Pft.. What a nerve

“Are you going to sleep?” He asked a second time..

And again I ignored him…

“For what are you ignoring me? I’m talking to you!” He said sternly

I felt like piercing his eyes out of its sockets with my finger nails…I sat up and faced him..
“You’re a dog!” I started through gritted teeth whilst pointing my finger angrily at him… ” And you will suffer….. You will die a slow, painful death and then you will suffer in your grave for the hurt you’ve caused me all these almost 8 years!”

He laughed mockingly and looked at the kids whilst shaking his head in disbelief…” She’s crazy ne?”

That just made me more angry..”Laugh!!!” I screamed “Laugh all you want…. I will get you back on the day of qiyaamat when we stand infront of Allah.. Laugh as much as you want to.. Because the one who laughs last, laughs the best.. And inshallah I will be the one to laugh on the day of qiyaamat when you’re being burnt and punished right infront of my eyes..I will enjoy watching you being tortured and disgraced…” I couldn’t stop today… Or rather I didn’t want to stop..today I was going to tell him everything that was on my mind “you think that you have authority over me? Well you damn forget that Allah has authority over you! You’re a mophy! A coward! That’s what you are! Because only cowards lift their hands on their wives….”

I wasn’t even afraid to say what I said…

“Look!” I showed him my arm…. “See what you’ve done to me? Well ofcourse you don’t care.. Because you’ve done worse… I almost lost my life, my eyes, broke my bones a million times because of you… So this is just nothing for you… ”

“You did it to yourself….you hit me first… you forgot? I was just defending myself..” He stated calmy…

“You pushed me hard off the couch and onto the tiles in the lounge…and I gave you one punch… Look! Look at the damn size of my hand next to yours?”

It was true.. My hands were almost as tiny as the kids.. I’m a petite person… I mean, I wear a size 3 shoe… So what does that tell you about my size compared to a man who’s bones are generally heavier…?

“You’ve got no shame! ” I continued…” You don’t ever care that you have to face Allah oneday… That you have to answer to him….you play mind games with me.. I’m not stupid anymore.. And your damn mnd games don’t work on me…!”

He got up casually..”You’re crazy you know that? You not right up here…” He pointed to his head…

I remained in my room and he walked out.. What does he think? He can just come back whenever he feels calmed down and all must be forgiven? I’m sick of forgiving him… For so many years, I forgave and moved on….. How much longer? Am I going to go through this till I’m old oneday? He’ll never change…! Maybe he’ll calm down for a couple of months.. But then, this is his nature.. He’ll remain like this…

I moped in my room for the rest of the night thinking of a way out of this crazy maze that I was trapped in… I didn’t speak to him or care to give him supper for a change.. The guilt was eating me up inside but I ignored it for once in my life…

I wanted to be me…. I wanted to be the old faaiza.. The happy go lucky, laughing faaiza who was just care free…

I hated who ismail had turned me into.. I am now afraid, pressurised and frustrated…

One minute I’m happy in this marriage and I love him more than anything in this world… And the next I hate him worse than anyone or anything…

I think its time I start taking stock of my life.. I Start becoming more independent..

Today I decide that all of this needs to end…..and I know exactly how I’m going to do it..

silent living-foreveramessup.wordpress.com

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4 thoughts on “part 326:

  1. I just can’t understand this man why is he behaving like this ….
    Hope he gets out of this bad habit because the children are watching all that is happening around them
    May Allah guide all of us & enable us to fulfil the rights of our partners. Aameen
    Jazakallah Sister

  2. Sister A. says:

    Way 2 go Fay!!! Its abt tym Ʋ tk a stand. Show him ur strength 😉
    Now dat Faaiza’s °̩и Dada’s house she need not fear °̩и laws interference wen dealing wid Ismail. Its not a gud idea 4 da children 2 b witnessing all of this though. Ismail is so hard hearted. >=)

  3. Ismail really knows how to frustrate a person. He does wrong and then still has the nerve to tell Faaiza that she’s crazy. Hope he gets what he deserves. At least Faaiza is finally taking a stand against him

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