part 325:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

He stopped once he was satisfied and punched all his anger out.I began to cry like a little baby.. I hugged my aching body and didn’t care that my kids were watching.. I was hurt… I sobbed loudly, raadiya rushed to hug me and riyaad just looked on with disbelief at what had just happened…

Once realisation hit, I got up crying to go to my room where I could be alone…

“Kids just stay out of her way.. She’s crazy today… She’s tired and taking it out on us….” He still had the audacity to say…

I turned around and glared at him, wanting to curse him in the worst possible manner but opted to just get out of his way before ushering the kids to come with me…

Riyaad stayed in the lounge but raadiya didn’t leave my side…

I threw myself onto the bed and howled like a little kid.. I was angry…no.. I was as black as thunder with fury… How dare he lift his hands on me again! I forgave him too many times.. I’m sick of it… I will not forgive aNymore..enough is enough of this absurdity

My arm hurt and I hurled it out of the sleeve of my sameera kaftan to see why it was so sore…

It was hard, and bruised… And I don’t bruise that easily usually…

I cried even harder….

Tears just streamed down my face… I think I was justified to.. I had that much of a right.. That I knew for sure.. If I felt like lamenting or bawling my eyes out.

Life was so unfair….

Allaahumma’ jurni fi museebati wakhlufli khairam minha..
-oh Allah! Reward me in my difficulty and compensate for me better than it-

I corrected myself quickly… I cannot say that life is unfair… Because Allahs wisdom is inconceivable..

He alone knows why he is putting me through all of this.. And only He can change things for me…

Inshallah this is His means of granting me the loftiest of stages in paradise..

I didn’t even try to stop crying.. I needed it.. I needed to just let it all out… But even though I was lying down as advised by our beloved nabi( sallallaahu alyahi wa sallam).. I was still too enraged

A part of me wished that he would hear my loud sobs and come to hug me and say his sorry.. But he didn’t..

Riyaad came to check on me though…but he didn’t..

Raadiya: “yaad… See!”

Riyaad: “what?”

Raadiya: “mamas arm is blue”

Riyaad looked at my now colourful arm and cringed at the displeasing sight, then stroked it gently with his tiny hands but I flinched and he knew he had to stop.. It was too painful to even touch

He left the room and I could hear him telling his father:
“Mamas hand is blue….”

To which there was no reply… Just silence from ismails side

I was swearing him inside but the tears wouldn’t stop.. When was he ever going to stop? I thought he had changed.. Sometimes he’s so good and other times his worse than a dog.. I hate him….

I have no-one to tell.. People say, don’t suffer abuse alone.. Tell someone.. Get help… But where do I get help from?

Who is there that’s going to understand and change things?

I can’t tell dada.. He’s old and doesn’t need all these unnecessary worries…

Maryam and imraan are far and their relationship with ismail wasn’t a very close enough one to be able to tell him what to do and what not to.

And if I tell anyone else, ismail will say that I’m just making him bad infront of other people when I’m actually the crazy one..

And he can turn things around and say I hit him… Which I did… But compare my tiny hands to his huge, manly size…

He didn’t even wince in pain when I hit him.. And it was one shot….

Or should I feel guilty for doing that?

Maybe it is my fault that he hit me.. Maybe I do deserve it..

I’m a bad wife and a bad mother….

There’s maybe no use complaining… Because today we’re killing eachother like enemies and the next day everythings back to normal…

“Its not like this happens everyday…” I told myself…maybe I just provoked him…

I sat fighting with myself in my head non-stop and crying in pain… Physical pain and emotional pain…

About an hour later I heard the sound of someone coming closer to the room…

At first I thought it was just riyaad but it wasn’t…

Instead it was ismail who pushed the door open with force…

Like he had some kind of authority here…


Authors note:
Maaf for not posting yesterday..this is sundays post… Inshallah will try for todays post sometime before the end of today

silent living-foreveramessup.wordpress.com

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11 thoughts on “part 325:

  1. Binte Ahmed says:

    oh no,i hope she dznt sweep it under the carpet n forgiv him again..otherwise he will just continue to take advantage of her..as it is,hes not even feeling guilty for wat he did..he needs a wakeup call…

  2. A says:

    Ya ALLAAH!!!! Faaiza should have not let him go out with his good for nothing friends because until he stayed away from them he was changing and now that he went out with them again he’s back to his old tricks
    An aalim so beautifully said that a bad friend is like one who smokes cigarettes, even if you don’t smoke with him you still inhale his second hand smoke which is equally harmful to you
    May ALLAAH save all marriages from abuse whether is physical or emotional because both are equally damaging

  3. zana says:

    Faaiza you need to get help for yourself. He was not justified n saying what he did to the kids.
    There must be support groups if you don’t want to ask your family for help
    If he is so frustrated he must go gym or something to release all that anger in him

  4. zana says:

    Life is too short to be unhappy Grudges are a waste of my energy & happiness Laugh when u can, apologise when u should Aиϑ let go of what u cannot change L♡ve deeply & forgive quickly Take chances, give everything & have no regrets S̲̅̈мιlє when u are sad L♡ve what u have & always remember those who stood by u. People change & things go wrong but with the grace of اللّه Subhana Ta’ala LIFE GOES ON!!! @>– @>– @>– @>– @>– @>– @>– @>–

  5. fms says:

    Ooh no faaiza u need 2 stand up for ur self now its about tym. How much more r u gona take. U wnat ur son 2 see n grw up thinking its ok n be like his father. Get a divorce n let him go live on the streets. He has no family as it is n his living under ur roof remember. He needs 2 learn the hard way . Stop blaming ur self n get help b4 he returns 2 his old habits . U beet off alone. Life is not unfair its us who choose 2 live it in dat way

  6. sister/in/Islam says:

    Children who see abuse – usually think its rite and go and do the same to others !!!
    Fay needs to talk to some1 – mayb Salma will b the best person – cos she knows how Ismail used to b b4 !!! Aqeel needs to come and talk sense into him ……. Gosh … It is sed , hate the act , not the person !! But – here , I just can’t seem to stop the hatred that’s building up – such a coward he is to hit some1 soo much weaker than him …
    Just disgusted @ his behaviour !!!

    جزاك اللهُ خيراً

    Waiting for the next post !!!!!

  7. ****** R***** says:

    OMW???????cnnnt believe dis man. Hw can he hit his wife. What kind of a man is he. Doesn’t he have brains. Fay I thk u shud speak 2 an aalim. Even if it means u mk him walk out bcz dat house is urs u have a right 2 say wat u want ? Its fine he ned 2 learn da hard way? I js hate men da abuse dey wives ?????

  8. Sister A. says:

    Ohh! Nooo mahn! >:O Ismail is such a heartless person. Faaiza has put up wid his ill treatment 4 far too long. She has to stand up to him & not entertain his nonsense any longer. She must seek help by gettin sum1 trustworthy 2 intervene. 😦 She cannot go on living lyk dat. 😦

  9. Urgh Ismail is such a pig. Faaiza should just throw his sorry butt out of her grandfather’s house and leave him on the streets. Then he’ll learn his lesson. There’s only so much a person can bear before they reach their limit. Faaiza has gone through enough already. The problem with abuse is that the abused person starts feeling like they deserve it and children learn from it and think its ok, in turn they’ll do the same in their relationships.

  10. I am deeply saddened by the realization that some women live through such abuse in their marriages. It is even more repulsive that these male perpetrators call themselves muslim. May Allah swt guide these women to happiness and grant for them jannah. ءامين

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