“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-
altafs point of view:
Sajidas mood changed completely.. She withdrew and sat up straight on the bed, looking down and fidgeting with her wedding ring..
I reached for her hand…
“What’s wrong darling? I thought you’ll be happy about this…I thought we’ve been waiting for so long to finally do this…?”
“we have…..” She hesitated before reluctantly continuing… “But its abit sudden.. I wasn’t expecting this and I don’t know if I’m ready… There’s a lot to think about… ”
Me: “like what? What are you scared of?”
Sajida: “its a big step and its going to change our lives… What if your kids don’t accept? What if your… Whatever she is.. Freaks out.. Which I’m sure she will…”
Me: “it doesn’t matter.. Its not going to change a thing…. I’ll still love you… I just don’t think its fair to you.. To keep hiding and doing things in secret…. Both you and ebrahim deserve more than that…”
“we don’t deserve anything…” She said with sadness in her eyes… “We already have you and that’s more than we deserve….”
Me: “why do you always think that you’re nothing? And that you’re worth nothing? I’m the luckiest man alive to have a wife like you.. Who loves me for who I am and not what I’m worth… Which woman will sacrifice her own happiness and freedom just to cover up for me? And for 5 years? I love you… And I want the world to know what a great wife you are.. How you’ve stood by me through everything…”
I hugged her because tears were silent falling down her cheeks….
Sajidas father left her mother just when she was born.. They were married through a completely arranged marriage.. They didn’t know or see eachother until the day of their nikaah..
Aunty maimoona…saaj’s mother… Tried hard to be a good wife and please her husband.. Even though they were barely compatible..
Shortly after they were married, she fell pregnant and all through her pregnancy her husband drank and beat her severely… He was lazy and never worked to support them…
She worked by making rotis and chevro for people in durban and eventually when she gave birth… He was gone.. And never returned..
Aunty maimoona grew sajida up alone… In those days they blamed her mother for her husband running away.. They said she drove him away… Sort of like how rukaya drove me away… But the woman is such a sweet woman, I don’t think that was the case..
Growing up the way she did left sajida bitter and raw inside…she felt like she was just a mistake and that she didn’t deserve anything in life…
“If you’re not ready… I’ll wait… however long you need.. Its fine with me.. But just know that I’m ready as soon as you are…. As it is my mother knows… Everyone else doesn’t matter..”
Yes.. Don’t be so surprised.. The only person that ever knew was my mother.. My mother has been a great pillar of strength… She gave me her blessings…
She met sajida and took a liking to her.. My mother always felt that she could judge a person just on the first meeting…
She hated rukaya from the day she seen us together the first time.. And nothing changed even 26 years later..
And she loved sajida.. They got on so well together.. My mother loved that sajida was sweet and respectful and soft spoken… She wasn’t rude, arrogant and abrupt….
My mother has kept our secret till today.. Not even any of my brothers know… She said its no-ones business and that I’m doing things the right way instead of being a coward and committing zina…
As for my kids… They’ll adjust…they’ll have to…..
Nothings going to change the way I feel about my kids or the way I provide for them… They are still my kids. No matter what.. But is it fair to forget about your own happiness just to please your kids? When inevitably they will grow up and get married and have their own lives oneday… I will be left all alone…
And I don’t want that.. I want to live till I’m old with sajida by my side…. And oneday want to be reunited with only her in jannah….
So you want to know how sajida and I actually met?
Well here’s the story……
Maaf for no post yesterday… You know what that means? An extra post today inshallah..
FYI- as soon as I reach half a million hits.. Which is soon inshallah.. I will be taking a 10-14 day break and when I return I’m going to be bringing this story to a close… I just feel that this story needs to end somewhere