“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-
kulsums point of view
I wanted to drive down to jo’burg to see rukaya.. In the end of the day she was my blood sister… And blood is blood…
We can fight and hate eachother but its at times like these that you really realise who cares and who doesn’t…
But the problem was that I felt sick just thinking of going there..
Having to stay at my mothers house and handle all their moods again..
Almost everytime I go down, I come back upset or frustrated because of something or the other..
People usually feel this way when they’re going to visit their inlaws, but the sad reality was that I felt like this going to my own mothers house..
The tension in the air was always thick.. And could be felt from miles away..
And on the other hand, I know faaizas house is open and she’ll be more than happy for me to stay there, but that too will be some major issue with the family..
So yet again I was left with a major dilemma.
We drove down over the weekend. Rukaya was kept for the remainder of the week in hospital after the incident. But the doctors tried to encourage her to get some professional help..
Faaiza: “she hit the roof when the nurses suggested.. She started screaming and swearing at them that she was not crazy and didn’t need help…. She started pulling at the drip and Insisting that they take it off and she was getting out of there”
me: “that alone shows that she needs help..”
Faaiza: “and there’s nothing wrong with getting to speak to a counsellor kulsum… Between you and I,ismail and I also went, and look at what wonders its done for us…?”
The truth is, we all have inner issues and angers and not all of us know how to deal with it.. I have no idea why society makes it such a big deal when someone wants to help themselves by seeing a counsellor..
The hospital wouldn’t release rukaya without her convincing them that she was going to see someone..
Fay: “I tried talking to her and trying to comfort her, but there was hardly ever a chance to be alone.. Your mummy was always by her side and I felt slightly awkward talking to rukaya infront of her..”
Altaf hasn’t been back to see rukaya.. Apparently she insulted him really badly that day at the hospital telling him that he was a good for nothing and blaming him for everything that’s ever gone wrong in her life..
I felt it for him.. He was a good guy. I always couldn’t fathom how those 2 lived with eachother.. They were like cheese and chalk.. But I suppose opposites always attract..
Me: “suli, maybe you nEed to talk to altaf bhai. He’s the strong and sensible one in their marriage.. Atleast for the kids sake they should get back together..”
Suli: “its not my place to tell him anything.. He’s old enough to make his own decisions kulsum.. And I hate that statement that people use.. ‘Do it for the kids sake’.. The kids are better off sometimes not seeing their parents together if there’s always bickering and fighting.. Its not healthy.. No offense but Don’t you see how disturbed rukayas kids are? ”
He was right.. I do love my nieces and nephews.. But they were neglected and the result of constant fighting.. Rukayas never had the time to discipline her kids or teach them respect and whenever altaf tried, she would scream back infront of her kids that he should leave them alone, they’re still children…
I craved to have my own kids, and Allah knows, that if He ever did bless me with kids, one thing I would try to do is never disagree with suli infront of them.. They lose respect for their parents like that..
Kids are our responsibilities and each person is responsible for his ‘flock’ so to say…
I was listening to a beautiful lecture by sheikh anwar al owlaki the other night and he so beautifully explains about how almost all the prophets were Shepard’s before being granted prophethood..
Prophets weren’t shepards of cows or camels or any other animals..it was always sheep
The reason being that sheep are vulnerable.. They are naïve and are easily lead astray..and the shepard needs to adopt a kind, yet stern approach with them…
Cows are stronger and camels too, and that would mean that the shepard would need to always be harsh to get them about.
Similarly, us humans are weak and naïve at times, and the prophets are there to guide us with kindness and sometimes sternly…
And parents too, need to be kind yet stern with their kids.. These were the qualities of our prophets, and these are the qualities that we needed to adopt.
A parent, just like a shepard needs to foresee the harms around their kids and guide them and protect them, because their sight is limited compared to ours…
But maybe I feel this way because I don’t have kids of my own.. Allah alone knows.. Who am I to talk? maybe raising kids is not as easy as I assume it to be..