“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-
Rukaya honestly needs to go for counselling… I can’t look down upon her for what she’s done, because I remember feeling the same way and contemplating suicide myself…
But alhamdulillah, with the help of Allah and support of those caring souls around me, I managed to get to where I am today.. Not that I don’t have my down days.. Everyone does… But now I’m able to cope with situations a little better than before…
Rukaya and ismail were both brought up in the same environment.. In the same house-hold… So I don’t blame her for being the way she is…
Yes she’s old enough to make her own decisions and she was always the spoilt one of the lot.. But that’s exactly where all the mess comes in…
She was too spoilt… Before marriage and after marriage..
That’s why islaam teaches us moderation in everything.. But it seems like these people know very little about moderation.. Its either extremely bad to someone or over spoiling them… Which in turn leads to destruction..
Because rukaya always had everything at her disposal, when she didn’t get things her way, it unfortunately led her to this..
Some movements in the room woke me from a deep slumber and I knew it wasn’t humaira.. She was sleeping right into me, almost. Pushing me off the bed…
With my eyes closed I felt over her and realised that ismails side of the bed was still crease free which meant that he still wasn’t back..
I turned over to my left to check the time.. It was 3:30am…
There was some shifting around at the foot of the bed and when I tried to look with my blurry eyes, I recognised ismail … But surprisingly he was performing salaah… At half past three in the morning? That was strange..
It was ‘that’ time of the month for me so I didn’t get out of bed to join him in tahajjud.. Instead I recited some thikr whilst I waited for him to make salaam..
“Did you just get back now?” I asked in a whispered moan
“Yip.. Sorry for waking you…” Ismail replied also whispering… I think he was feeling abit shy that I’d caught him performing salaah silently in the middle of the night..
“Its kay… I’m used to it…” I giggled lamely.. “How’s rukaya?”
Ismail came to sit on the bed next to me…
“Still zonked out…she hasn’t woken up yet” He sighed..”maybe you should go see her tomorrow”
That caught me totally off guard… Yes I was concerned about her.. But going to see her in hospital was really not something I thought I’d do.. Not because I didn’t want to.. But just because rukaya and I weren’t on the best of terms..
Besides, I’m sure I’m the last person rukaya would want to see..
I mean, in her normal (if she really ever was normal) state she hated me.. Imagine waking up from almost killing yourself and having your worst nightmare standing right infront of you?
That just spells disaster!!
I thought about it until I fell asleep again and when I woke up in the morning I made an intention to stick my pride away (because that’s all that it really is).. And go and offer some support… Who knows, maybe just being there for her can help make a difference in her life..
Maybe it is tough for her.. After being married for over 20 years and have luxury of every kind, to now be left to live with your parents and under their rule… Especially parents like hers..
Ismail was exhausted from being up till fajr time.. So when he finally came downstairs at 10:30am for breakfast, I was done cooking, bathing and feeding humaira and even made something to take for rukaya… Hospital food is always terrible and I’m sure she’ll appreciate a good plate of food after so many hours of starving herself..
When we arrived at the hospital, altaf was standing in the hallway, close to where I assumed rukayas ward was, staring into space…
We walked up to him…
Ismail: “Did you get some sleep bru? You look like crap!” And they did that weird kind of shaking hands that guys do..
Altaf: “I’m cool bra… Yeah yeah, I had a nap..”
He was silent for a while and then shook his head…”And If only I knew what it would be like here, I should have slept even longer instead of coming back…”