part 284:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

“There are duas to read, faaiza… Let me e-mail them to you…” Apa advised so calmly…
“The best thing to do is make dua… Yes we make a lot of effort, we guide them and discipline them, but some things are out of our control…you know, the kids don’t realise that when they are talking in madressah, I can hear everything that’s going on….. This that you’re telling me doesn’t come as a surprise… I heard a few kids saying that this is what they do when nobodys watching them at home… They play games and do their work on the computer.. But when they are sure nobody is around, they google all those words they don’t know and hear while watching TV.. They were laughing about it.. Like its a big joke.. But I was so upset.. But what do I do..? Its not for me to tell their parents… Lots of our parents are in denial when it comes to their kids.. They don’t want to hear when you tell them that their children are doing wrong…”

That is so true… That’s why when anyone tells me that the twins are so well-behaved and obedient and they are such good children, I hate listening… Because I don’t ever want to think that my kids are angels.. They are bound to do wrong at some point.. And for a child who’s usually good to do wrong, is often worse than a menace of a child caught doing something not befitting..

“No nEed to worry yourself faaiza.. Just talk to them… Explain to them that its wrong.. What works also is putting your kids to stand in the corner… And not just stand there wasting time and letting their little minds wander about.. Let them make istighfaar whilst standing in the corner.. I once heard moulana sulaiman moolla saying that his parents used to put them in the corner when they were young and they were made to read and when they rebel and you know how kids are, they start reading louder and faster and angrier… They used to make them stand longer..” Apa giggled at the mention of her little story..

“But nevertheless… If I think about it, that could possibly be why Allah has made moulana such a great personality… All that thikr during his young age… It made him someone in the eyes of Allah”

Kids try things just to see what we’ll approve of and what we won’t…

I was listening to a clip on my phone that salma sent to me about upbringing of kids…

The speaker talks about how when kids are little, they are craving our attention…

You’ll find them coming up to you when you’re busy with an important phone call and they’ll be like: “mama mama mama”…

And when you honestly can’t concentrate on your conversation at all, you’re like : “what is it?” And they just grin at you shyly…. And then you ignore them irritatedly and go back to your phone call and a few minutes later, there it goes again… “Mama mama mama!!”

And you have to tell the person, “I’m sooo sorry, please could you hold on..”

And you look at your little one and ask them: “what now?”

And they’re holding a paper in their hand trying to show you something that looks like nothing more than a paint splashed all over in different colours and they say: “see? I drew this!!” With so much of excitement…

But what do we do at that instant? Shout at them that that’s not important right now and to get lost, like they’re some kind of obstacle in your way…

But what that little child wants is your attention, your acknowledgement… They want you to say “WOW!!! I can’t believe what you’ve done!! That’s a gorgeous fish you’ve drawn….”

And then they’re like…”Its not a fish…. Its a picture of daddy!”

But the important thing is the attention.. That’s all that they ever want.. Sometimes too much of it…

And when they’re older, maybe teenagers… Its us parents who are craving their attention…

You pick them up from school and ask them, “how was your day today?”

“Fine!”

“Okay…what did you do today?” We ask again…

“A lot!”

We try harder to get their attention….” Sooo… did you get a lot of homework?”

“A little”

and then they’re busy typing away on their cellphones…”My mums asking way too many questions… Do you think she knows something?”

Its funny how things turn around… When they’re small, they want our attention, and if we don’t give them that attention, they’re going to turn to the wrong things looking for attention…

We wanted the children, so its our duty to see to their every need.. Not dump them with other people or to do their own thing because we can’t cope… We should cope.. No matter how challenging it becomes.. Because Allah doesn’t burden anyone more than they can manage…

I felt bad for over reacting… Yes, they’ve done wrong, but they’re just innocent and a little naïve…

I sat down to have a good heart to heart with riyaad and raadiya….. Because that’s what they really needed…


Authors note:
Jumu’ah mubarak everyone..

A few duas for upbringing of kids will be added to the duas page…
The link is as follows:
https://foreveramessup.wordpress.com/duahs/

silent living-foreveramessup.wordpress.com

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8 thoughts on “part 284:

  1. A says:

    Jazaakillah for the lovely post and beautiful advice bcoz all parents go they these problems n question their mode of upbringing wen u hit with a bumper like this

  2. Raeesa says:

    السلام عليكم
    The above post was great, I heard the talk where u mentioned the incident of the child n the phone call, the speaker was Sheikh Numan Ali Khan, to anyone who is interested, u can watch more of his talks on you tube… He is a great speaker.

    • Yes sister….that his name…couldn’t remember what his name was but my mother in law showed me the video last week…was really good…
      Jx so much for sharing the name with us….although I’ve changed it slightly to fit the post..lol

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