“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-
Kulsum: (sigh) “yeah…….. I did…. a few days into ramadaan I plucked up the courage to tell mummy while we were talking over the phone”
Me:” I take it that they weren’t too impressed from the tone in your voice?”
Kulsum: “that’s a slight understatement if you ask me…”
Me:” that bad?”
Kulsum: “you know what faaiza…..? I’ve learnt to just not give a damn about them anymore… I feel hurt a lot of the time and I end up crying so much that I used to get so sick at some stage… Imagine your own family constantly finding faults with you! Its usually your inlaws that have a problem with everything but I promise my inlaws are so supportive and they’re always happy for me… My mother in law is the sweetest mother in law I know…. She takes my mothers place anytime…”
There was silence in the background for a while and abit of sniffles now and then.. That’s when I figured that kulsum was crying….
Me:” don’t stress kulsum…. Its not worth upsetting yourself over on such a blessed and joyous day…. Just be happy today and enjoy yourself okay?”
Kulsum: (clearing throat) “sorry that I’m dumping all my sad stories on you…. But you’re always so understanding and I feel comfortable telling you because I know you won’t tell anyone and I know that you understand…”
Me:”please! Don’t ever say that you’re sorry… I’m here for you whenever you need to talk…. But not today! Not because I don’t want to listen.. But because I want you to be happy today… And anyway, its not healthy for that little one in your tummy to know about his or her mummys sadness okay?!”
Kulsum: (giggle) ” jazakallah… Anyway, how’s ismail and the kids? How did their ramadaan go?”
Me:”shukr it went great alhamdulillah… Ismail sat in I’tikaaf this year…..”
Kulsum: “WHAT? Mashallah that is so good to hear… And ? Did he enjoy it? What did he say?”
Me:” shukr… He really did… Ismails changed a lot alhamdulillah.. Just make dua that Allah keeps him that way…”
Kulsum: “I will.. Definitely…. Ismail can be really good fay… Its just… Erm…… Our upbringings just been abit very rocky if you know what I mean…?”
Me:” I know.. Ismails had it tough too… And I didn’t even know half of it….”
Kulsum:” to tell you the truth… You still don’t know half of it… Trust me….”
Hmmm…. Skeletons lurking in the closet are threatening to come out?
Kulsum:” but anyway… I should go… We need to chat more often.. Infact! I’m coming that side this coming weekend… I’d love to spend some time with you guys…(Pause).. If… You’re not busy or anything…”
Me:”that will be great kulsum…. Look after yourself okay? And give me a call if there’s anything yoU need.. And when you come down on the weekend, please, don’t wait for an invite… Our house is open anytime……!”
Maybe kulsums the perfect person right now… I think the best thing to do is get her to talk when she comes around this weekend….
She can tell us everything… All about ismail being adopted and why she’s kept quiet about it till now and even about rukaya and yusuf…
Who knows?, kulsum can be just the one to tell us the truth about chotikhala and the baby even…
Ooooooh!!!! I can’t wait for the weekend now.. I’m so excited…..
So I’m going to delay my phone call to the ‘gremlins’ till after the weekend then….
Not like they’re going to care that we didn’t make eid mubarak with them anyhow…
As much as it would be the best thing to phone and make maaf, there’s no point forcing myself to ask for maaf on the outside when deep down I haven’t really forgiven them for all that they’ve put ismail through..
What they’ve done to me really means nothing… But what they’ve done and are still doing to ismail hurts me more than anything..
As much as I want him to forgive, I just feel that there’s so much more to it than just forgiving.. These people really need to be taught a lesson.. That people have hearts and you cannot just mess with peoples lives like it really doesn’t matter….
I was digging deep into what I thought would be the best way to sort them out when the intercom sounded…
I haven’t forgotten… I still owe you all a post for sunday and monday.. I will do those inshallah as soon as I get some free time… A muslim should always keep to their promise and with Allahs help, I will inshallah…