part 269:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

sister elizabeth frantically searched for the veins on my hands to attach the drip to, which are always hard to find…

After what felt like the hundredth attempt, she finally got it right… She dropped down something on the bed as they wheeled me down to theatre..

She must have noticed my puzzled look and replied:
“Catheter lady…doc doesn’t want to put her patients through unnecessary pain so she prefers putting it on in theatre after the anaesthetic is given…”

I just nodded uninterested…and gazed blankly at the ceiling above me..

ismail met us on the way to theatre.. Not that I really care whether he’s there or not.. Its one and the same thing actually..

he tries to give me a comforting smile even though I know he just returned from smoking half a pack of cigarettes outside due to the nervousness he’s going through just coming in with me..

He wasn’t around the first time around, so he has no idea what its all about..

sister elizabeth leaves me next to a wall and rushes off somewhere… When she returns she exclaims hurriedly:
“Doc has left her other patients for after you lady.. This must be your first pregnancy I assume? Otherwise you would never wait for so long after getting that first contraction…”

I want to open my mouth and tell her that its my second pregnancy… But she doesn’t give me much of a chance..
“Next time lady, don’t wait.. Its harmful for the baby… The baby could be in major distress here.. Its not something to be playing around with lady..”

I close my eyes and accept the shouting… Or her reprimanding rather.. She’s right, but ismail made me feel like it was nothing.. I was scared… What if I brought him all the way to the hospital in the wee hours of the night and they told me that it was false labour? He wouldve murdered me.. I’m sure of that…

Almost as if though she could read my thoughts, she responded:
“If you come and its false labour… So what? Atleast you checked..”

She had to cut short because we were already in theatre..

Doc: “slaamlaykum my darling? How are you feeling? The sister says you’ve been getting very strong contractions? Why didn’t you call me?”

Oh great! First the nurse, now the doctor.. I just wanted to cry.. Can no-one understand how much of pain I’m in? I want my mummmmmy…..!!!

I swallowed hard on the tears that were threatening to come out because they were helping me onto another bed now.. Probably where they’ll be working on me..

Doc: “we’re going to have to rush with this… It turns out that this caesar is an emergency after all.. The fact that you’ve been in labour for so long and haven’t still dilated fully shows that your pelvis is too narrow and baby is too big at the moment… Normal birth isn’t even an option.. This baby is not coming out from down there….”

“Assalaamu alaykum dear”
I was greeted by a rather elderly looking lady in a white doctors coat…
“My name is doctor patel and I’m your anaesthetist…”

Doc paused to fidget with some of her instruments while I sat up, legs hanging off the bed, before continuing to talk to me..
” I want you to just relax ok…”

She rubbed me gently on my spine..
“This is where I’m going to inject you.. Its just a slight prick… Not bad at all…. Then you going to start feeling warm in the right leg, right down to your toes and then the left leg and then you’ll be numb ok?”

I nodded with a false calmness on my face even though I was stressing like crazy..

Doc continued talking to me while she was busy behind with her things.. Asking about the pains? And how often I’d bEen getting them and why I hadn’t come to hospital as soon as I felt them and so many more questions…
“Ok my darling.. I want you to tell me when you start feeling warm in the legs ok?”

Me:” you mean?”
I paused in disbelief..
“Its done?”

Doc giggled…
“See? You didn’t even feel a thing…”

The warmness began followed by the numbness and then something was pulled up infront of me whilst I lay on my back…

Me:”wait! Is that my legs?”

I looked at ismail who stood towards my right.. Behind him dr patel and infront of me, the gynea and her colleague and 2 other assistants..

Ismail: “you ok? Huh? You sure you can’t feel anything?” I could here panic in his voice..

Me: “yeah, they just pulled my legs up infront of me and I didn’t even feel it..”

He took my hand in his… I think for me to comfort him more than the other way around.. He looked more stressed out than me and like he was going to be sick any minute just looking at all this…

Doctor patel checked my pressure..
“Abit on the low side hey?”

She sat down and after a few minutes poked something into the drip…
“I’ve given you some pain medication in the drip.. So hopefully you won’t feel any pain afterwards.. As soon as you’re in the ward and feel even the slightest tingling or movement in your toes, ask the nurses to give you more painkillers..”

Me:” what’s that smell..? ”
I asked ismail softly…

Ismail: “they’re burning you with a kind of a laser thing…”

There was a sheet seperating my upper body from my lower body so I couldn’t see what really was happening..
“Are you watching what they’re doing?”

Ismail: “ha uh… I can’t…”

I felt light headed..
Me:”I’m feeling… ”
And everything was suddenly bright and my shoulders went lame…. My chest was tight…

Authors note:



part 268:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

And that’s how the rest of my day went…. Swearing and cursing ismail in my head.. Because that’s as far as I could get to swearing him, I still wasn’t brave enough to utter profanities against him to his face..

He knew how I felt but still felt like we should wait till tomorrow as we already were booked for early tomorrow morning…

Ismail: “nothing can happen till tomorrow morning.. You lasted for 9 months.. What’s another couple of hours… You’re just being impatient…”

So I had patience…. I kept on popping panados and sleeping whenever I could so that I didn’t have to feel the pain…

Dadi checked on me every now and then and assured me that the kids were fine, they are taking care of them…. For once I didn’t feel bad, I just allowed them to take over…

Its times like this I wish I had a mother.. Even though dadi is still there, she’s old and its different..

I know mummy would have been the greatest support ever in times like this… She would make sure I got the best attention 24/7 and she would’ve showered me with all the love and compassion I crave for right now..

I don’t even have inlaws who are supportive enough… Actually they’re not supportive at all..

Enough of feeling sorry for myself.. No use brooding about what I don’t have and what could have or should have been… All I know is that my deepest desire is to shower my kids with all the love and attention they deserve for as long as I’m alive… And inshallah my daughter will never have to experience being alone in her entire life… I’ll make sure of that..

After much perseverance, I pulled through the day and most of the night..

As I rose early for fajr and had a good shower, I prayed to Allah a little longer than usual.. Praying of surah yaaseen seemed to have settled the butterflies that were lurking around in the pit of my hungry tummy and I felt myself being wiped over with ease, peace and tranquility…

Even though the pains hadn’t eased in the least, I felt relieved to know that in just a short few hours, all would be over and my little one will finally be in my arms…

I really will miss being pregnant… Its such an incredible experience.. The bond that I spent with my little one, no-one will be able to feel… Not even ismail… Ismail is yet to bond with the baby, while I already feel so attached..

I greeted my extra enthusiastic kids after they performed their fajr salaah and jumped back into their beds before it was time to get ready for school and I gave them a quick lecture on how to behave and not cause any havoc while I’m away… To look after eachother and ismail and to make things easier for dadi and dada…

Once all the formalities were done downstairs at reception, I was escorted to my room where I was made to change into those awful blue and white hospital gowns…

Shukr alhamdulillah, most of the rooms in maternity section are private wards, which means that I was alone in my room and didn’t have to share a room with any other different moaning women…

And thank goodness these gowns were not one of those that were open at the back revealing half your buttocks and a whole lot more..

My scarf was something I wouldn’t part with… I made my intention that atleast my hair should be covered when I go into theatre…I actually felt naked having my arms open in public after such a long time of being covered up in my cloak most of the time..

A friendly looking white nurse who looked like she had just graduated from med school entered the room…

She asked me a few routine questions when I winced in pain…

Nurse: “are you okay dear?”
She gazed up at me from her the paperwork she was filling in..

Me: “I’ll be fine…”
I sighed heavily as the pain eased out..
” I’ve just been getting terrible pains for the past 2 days….”

She dropped her pen and hurried out of the room mumbling..
“I’m calling in another nurse to check your contractions… I won’t be long..”

Not long after, she returned quite hastily with another coloured looking nurse who dragged in some sophisticated machine…

Nurse 2: “hello lady… My name is sister elizabeth.. I’m just going to check your contractions for you.. Its just a little belt here that I’m going to place around your tummy.. Its not going to hurt you at all and then I’m going to put on your drip for you and prepare you for theatre okay?”
She had a thick cape townian accent which I always just love listening to…

I nodded with a perplexed half smile..
“But I’m not sure if they’re contractions… They’re quite severe but the baby could probably just be moving around awkwardly…”

Sister elizabeth: “since when have you been experiencing this pain lady?”
She asked while tying the belt around my stomach and activating the machine beside us..

Me: “eh… Wednesday evening I think…”

She was silent for a while, I assume monitoring my contractions when suddenly her mouth fell agape…
“oh my word lady! How in heavens name are you surviving these pains? Your contractions are so strong already.. And you say you’ve stuck it since wednesday??”

Authors note:


durood challenge 21:

Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem

“Indeed the thikr of Allah brings contentment to the heart”

Feel free to add your durood count by commenting or e-mailing(to those who have my e-mail address)..

Our aim is 10 000 durood again..but you are allowed to contribute whatever amount you are able to..







7.Silent living(1000)


9.Silent living(700)


11.Silent living(500)


13.Silent living(500)

14.Sister A

Total:10 000

Completed! Alhamdulillah

Also please contribute to our kalima tayyibah challenge..we have almost completed 70 000…we are currently on approximately 67 has been mentioned in a hadith to the effect that whosoever recites laa’ilaaha illallah’ will enter jannah!



quran khatam 1(thul hijjah):

‘Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem’
(In the name of Allah, the Most kind, The Most Merciful)

A full khatam was completed by a reader..

And one by zana…

so altogether we completed 5 khatams for the month of thul qa’dah alhamdulillah…

May Allah accept and keep us steadfast…

Please contribute your paras below to our 1st khatam for thul hijjah…even if you can manage only half or quarter para, feel free to contribute and inshallah the paras may be shared in that way..

May Allah accept our weak efforts..ameen!




















20.Silent living

21.Silent living



24.Silent living








Please don’t forget our kalimah tayyibah khatam..this will be our last kalimah tayyibah khatam as there aren’t that many contributions…we need to reach 70 000 inshallah to complete..we are currently on 65 191…you may comment your contributions under this post if you like

We need another 1 766 durood to complete our durood challenge 20…



part 267:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

I got this terrible pain in my lower back coming towards the front….but I wasn’t sure if it was time….I couldn’t decide whether it was contractions or just false labour…so I waited…

They always say to have a warm bath and if the contractions ease, then its false labour…and if it doesn’t…its real…

I wasn’t supposed to go into labour..I’m booked for my caesar in less than 2 days time…but I’m only 38 weeks at the moment so it could be contractions…

I’ll just ignore it…


Ok that was painful….

I slowly got myself to the bathroom and got into the shower..careful to not let the water get too hot…apparently too hot water isn’t good either…

Once I was done I got out and felt a little better…I guess its not time as yet…

Or so I thought…as I was walking out of the room to check up on the kids, there it was again…

An agonising kind of a pain that felt like a man size plier was squashing me in my abdomen…but just as soon as it was gone again…

Ok faaiza…breath!

I took a detour..instead of checking on the kids, I decided to go downstairs and make me a warm cup of milo…that should settle it…or atleast I hope so…

But unfortunately after just half a cup of my milo, the pain hit me once again….

Allahu akbar!!!!its excruciating…

Ismail:”babes what’s happening?you ok?”

Me:”I don’t know….I’ve been getting pains from earlier…I’m not sure if its contractions or what”

Ismail:”but we were just at the doctor today? She wouldve said if it was time today…I’m sure its nothing..maybe you just want a panado?and come to bed and just rest it out”

Me:”’re right…I’m sure its nothing..maybe the babies just moving abit much…”

I went up to rest and drank the panado that ismail brought…and after a few more pains I managed to fall asleep…

But the pains were waking me up….and when I looked at my phone it was already 1:30am…


Ismail moaned and ignored me…

Me: “I think I need to go to the hospital babes”
I said it in a more urgent tone hoping that he’ll give me the attention I needed..

That did it.. He was sitting up almost immediately and fumbling around looking for the switch to the bedside lamp…
“err..are you sure?but it can’t be babes… We booked your bed for friday…its not long… Just err… I don’t know… Let me get you another panado…. Or something stronger maybe?”

Me: ” I can’t take anything stronger….uuurgh…”

Ismail was panicking now..
“Err ok ok.. I’m going to get you another panado…”

He jumped out of bed, but I must have fallen asleep sometime inbetween the pains because I don’t remember me taking the tablet…

I woke up the next morning and was shocked to see the time, it was already 10:30 in the morning… I missed my fajr and oh my word.. The kids… School…

I jumped out of bed and there it was again…. The pain… I turned and found that ismail also wasn’t in the bed.. How knocked out was I that I didn’t hear a thing today…

I carefully got myself together and tried to go downstairs but it was eerily quiet… Dada and dadi usually nap this time of the day…

At the back door I spotted the domestic..

Me: “aunty? Where’s everyone?ismail? Kids?”

Domestic: “they are gone makoti…the childrin they are gone to school, it is past 10 o clock… And boss he is gone to the wek.. Ouma and oupa they are sleeping makoti..”

Ismail actually went to work knowing that I’m feeling this way? I thought he’ll take me to the hospital today…

I made myself a quick cup of english tea and sat down with a tupperware of scones that I made the other day, all the while bearing the pain that I was suffering with so badly…

Just as I gulped my last sip of tea down, the house phone rang.. I struggled to get up and pick it up, even though it wasn’t too far out of my reach..

Ismail: “hey babes… You’re awake? How you feeling?”

Oh I could murder this man right now.. Even his voice seems to be working on my every nerve…

How I’m feeling? He has a nerve to ask how I’m feeling? When I told him how I’m feeling, he didn’t really give a damn… And instead of taking me to the damn hospital, he goes to work!!!!!! and now he wants to know how I’m feeling???

**Authors note:
Only paras 16 and 17 are left to complete our last khatam for thul qa’dah.. Please contribute before we can start our first khatam for thul hijjah considering that we have already entered the month of thul hijjah…



part 266:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Giving birth is no easy task… The difficulty that a woman goes through whilst delivering this baby to the world is something really great.. That’s why a mother is given such great honour in islam.. Nabi(S.A.W) is reported to have mentioned to the effect that once a sahaba asked who should we give most honour to after Allah and the nabi of Allah.. To which nabi(S.A.W)’s reply was the mother… Nabi(S.A.W) is reported to have repeated this three times before he mentioned the father…

Whoever thinks that caesarian birth make your reward any less, they’re wrong, because the sacrifice may be different, but still severe..

There are actually very few men who give their wives that support, love and encouragement that they really need… And ismail is definitely not one of those..

Ismail: “I really don’t care babes… To me its all the same thing… Can’t you just get it over and done? What’s there to think about? Look at the time.. We’ve been sitting here for ages… (Huge sigh)”

Grrr…. I hate men!!! Totally!

I silently read my short istikhaarah dua:
“Allahumma khirli wakhtarli…”
– oh Allah! Choose for me… And choose the best for me-

Me: “okay doctor… I think ilk go ahead with the epidral inshallah…”

Doctor: “you’ve made a good choice my darling.. You won’t regret it.. Trust me! Its not that bad…”

Doc sat down at her desk again and took out her notepad.. You know those which all doctors have that have their details on each page in black on the top of the page.. Basically they scribble almost anything and everything on there…

Doc: “so this is what you’re going to need to do for me….”
She scribbled in her barely readable handwriting..
“This note…”
She tore it off her notepad and placed it infront of us..
“–needs to be e-mailed or faxed through to the medical aid.. Its an urgent letter asking for them to authorise a caesar in your case due to some complications you’ve had in the first and second trimester… I’ve exaggerated abit.. But I had to, otherwise they’re not going to authorise…”

She then scribbled on a new page..
” This is your letter for the hospital… You’ll take it through and book yourself a bed for friday morning inshallah….”

She scratched her head and crinkled her eyes abit..
“What else Is there? Err…. I’m sure that will be all… The hospital will give you further details of what time to be admit yourself and the procedures that follow… I’m just thinking.. Maybe I could push you in on my morning rounds… Cos I know its jumu’ah and I’m sure you’ll prefer it all done before jumu’ah ”

She was looking at bored old ismail for an answer which she was never going to get…. So I answered instead..
“I think the morning will be best if you can”

Doc: “okay… So the last I want you to eat is 10 the night before… Nothing after that okay? No breakfast on friday morning.. I start my rounds at 8 so inshallah it will be over soon…. Any questions or anything?”

Ismail blurted out with an irritation that was clearly visible before I could say anything..
“No no! Nothing.. Jazakallah so much hey… I’m sure you’ve got lots of other patients to see to.. Jazakallah for your time…”

And he got up to start leaving…

Doc smiled at me encouragingly…
“Call me if you need to know anything okay?”
She put her arm on my shoulder.. A very caring gesture I thought..
“Otherwise.. I’ll see you in theatre on friday morning inshallah if all goes well”

The kids were over the moon and were already planning not to go to school on friday…

Me: “ha uh.. No such thing… You will go to school and after jumu’ah you both can come with dadi and dada to the hospital okay?”

Riyaad: “aahh but mama we…”

Me: ” no buts.. Its final… There’s no madressah on fridays so you’ll come in the afternoon… And besides, you only allowed in during visiting hours, they’re very strict at this hospital, so it won’t be of any use to miss school..”

That night I was so excited and finally got down to packing my hospital bag.. I haven’t done this for 6 years, so I was kind of lost.. I couldn’t remember what to pack…

I packed a few of my essentials and a white okay looking grower of the twins that I found for the baby, then zipped up the navy blue kit-bag and put it on the side of my dressing table…

But just as I did that…. Oh no………!!!!!!!

**Authors note:
Only paras 16 and 17 are left to complete our last khatam for thul qa’dah.. Please contribute before we can start our first khatam for thul hijjah considering that we have already entered the month of thul hijjah…



part 265:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Me: “what about the back pain after the caesar? … So many people suffer with back pain because of the epidural….”

Dr: “do you suffer with back pain at the moment?”

Me:” umm…. jee”

Dr: “so you see, the back pain has nothing to do with the epidural.. It has to do with pregnancy itself.. Most women suffer with back ache because of the weight you’re carrying infront, it burdens your back..”

Me: “so what are my options…?”

Dr: “ok… you have 2 options…. General anaesthetic and epidural…..”

Me:” explain please!” I giggled… ” I’m a little from the old age.. I don’t quite understand all these terms”

Dr: “no problem..” She smiled warmly..

I really liked her. She spoke to you like a friend instead of like you’re just any other patient.. She gives you her time and has very encouraging words most of the time..

It must be tough on doctors, even though they’re making some good bucks, having to hear the sad stories of every patient that walks in to their surgery must take a toll on their own personal well being..

Dr continued explaining to me:
” A general anaesthetic is where we knock you out completely.. So basically you’re fast asleep and don’t really know what’s happening.. No-ones allowed in unfortunately..”

No-ones allowed in with me? But I would like ismail by my side. even though he wasn’t really there the last time, this is my first time doing a caesar, and I’m petrified.. But also, I have no idea if he’ll want to come in with me anyway… Ismails what you call a ‘bang broek’… He’s more scared than I am.. He can’t see blood and all those type of things… What if he faints in there? Then they’ll have an extra patient to tend to…

I listened on to what doc was saying:
” Then there’s the epidural.. You’re awake but we numb you from waist down… You won’t feel a thing but its ‘almost’ the same as giving normal birth.. Excluding the pushing and huffing and puffing… With epidural, you’re allowed to have someone give you moral support and stand by your side…”

Doc gave us a few minutes to take in before she continued again..
“You want my opinion now?”

I nodded my head in anticipation…

Sometimes that’s exactly what you need, someone experienced to tell you what they think is best..

“I would advise for you to go the epidural way… Reason being.. There are harms in going general… You’re knocked out, so there are risks of you…” She paused to explain.. “Not that I want to make you scared or anything, just stating the facts here, that there are risks of slipping into a coma… Also, there’s extreme pain when awakening from the anaesthetic.. Almost immediately.. We do give you some pain medication through the drip in theatre, but by the time you awake, it hasn’t yet kicked in… So there’s a burning sensation you’ll feel where we’ve worked… Also, you’re not awake to hear your babys first cry… ”

She poured herself a glass of water from a jug that lay on the left hand side of her wooden desk…. And offered us some too to which we kindly refused…

She then continued: “you see, with an epidural, you witness the entire birth, even though we cover you up so you won’t see the gruesome parts, but you’re awake… You see your baby immediately when it comes out and you have time after the procedure to rest before any pain kicks in…..basically if you keep yourself well medicated, you may not feel much… So you decide… You need some time to think about it?”

She looked towards me and then at ismail waiting for a response…

I looked at ismail who looked rather bored and clueless actually..

Dr: “I’m giving you a few minutes to discuss, I’m just running to the next room to check on another patient.. And then we can discuss further.. Is that okay?”

Me: “jazakallah.. That’s okay… ”

I was getting annoyed at ismail, couldn’t he atleast act like he was bothered, even though he isn’t…

As soon as doctor walked out, I asked him what I should do…. The answer he gave annoyed me even further…

**Authors note:
Duas page updated… There are some duas to be recited at the time of slaughtering that have been shared on the duas page…
For those who are unable to access the page, the link is as follows:

The following paras are still to be completed in our khatam for thul qa’dah.. Please contribute before we can start our first khatam for thul hijjah considering that we have already entered the month of thul hijjah…
Paras 14 to 17 are still available