part 235:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Ismails point of view:

I was rushing to my cubicle to message faaiza when the athaan went off…

Shux… I guess it will have to wait till after taraweeh…

I hastened to make wudhu and get ready for esha salaah..

tonight is the 27th night, I’m sure we’re going to be busy throughout the night, they’ve got some cool programs lined up for us on the odd nights, atleast in that way there’s no wasting much time…

I sat for the talk after taraweeh salaah listening to a great scholar narrate the story of hazrat ka’ab ibn malik(R.A) at the time of the tabuk expedition…

He narrated it with such feeling and pain in his heart….it brought tears to my eyes and I wondered how Allah would forgive me for being such a pathetic muslim…

At the time when nabi(S.A.W) undertook the expedition of tabuk, it was the last that nabi(S.A.W) himself participated in…it was on this great event that hazrat abu bakr(R.A) gave his entire wealth in Allahs path…hazrat umar(R.A) gave half and every muslim gave all that they could in Allahs path, however this was still not enough….

The hypocrites insisted that the heat was far too much and that it wouldn’t be necessary to put themselves through such torture…

Allah then revealed the ayah to the effect that the fire of jahannam is hotter…

Hazrat ka’ab bin malik(R.A) was such a sahabah who had participated in every battle previously, including the battle of badr….at the time of tabuk, he was flourishing with wealth….and kept on thinking that he has enough and when the call comes, it won’t take him long to quickly ready himself and leave…however, when the time did come, he thought that there are enough people going and that if he missed just this one only, he won’t be missed as there are enough others to make up for him….

when he realised that every person had gone besides him and 2 other sahabah and the only people left behind were the hypocrites, the women and children and those who had a valid excuse for not participating, he began to feel immense grief, sorrow and regret….

When nabi(S.A.W) returned from the expedition, he went straight to the masjid as was his habit and after performing 2 rakaahs of tahiyyatul masjid, he sat waiting for people to come and greet him…

All the hypocrites came forth with their sad excuses which nabi(S.A.w) accepted and left it in Allahs hands…

When hazrat ka’ab(R.A) came forward..nabi(S.A.W) turned his face from him….

He explained the truth of the matter instead of making feeble excuses and he begged nabi(S.A.W) for forgiveness…..

Nabi(S.A.W) excused him but did not speak to him thereafter and all the other muslims were made to boycott hazrat ka’ab(R.A)…no-one, not even the closest of relatives spoke to or interacted with hazrat ka’ab(R.A) for 50 days…it was the hardest time of his life….

Hazrat ka’ab(R.A) had outdone himself and given himself for Allah in every battle previously, yet for not accepting Allahs call just this once, he was ignored completely by the prophet of Allah…

It made me shiver, just thinking that someone of such great calibre…someone who was guaranteed jannah and given glad tidings….such a person, my nabi had turned his face away from him….?

And then I expect people not to judge me, I expect that Allah knows what is in my heart..I expect that nabi(S.A.W) will not turn his face from a sinful person like myself?that the leader of all prophets is not going to ignore me for blatantly discarding his teachings…for throwing away his sunnah….for putting a blade against my face and following the footsteps of the kuffaar?

I am most definitely mistaken…

Hazrat ka’ab(R.A) is a sahaba….I can never reach his status, I am not even worth the dust on his shoes….hazrat ka’ab was a true believer who hadn’t committed a major sin…he hadn’t listened to music, he hadn’t neglected his salaah, he hadn’t followed the ways of a kaafir…his faith was certain….and deep down nabi(S.A.W) knew that and it was out of deep love that nabi(S.A.W) did what he did….because he loved hazrat ka’ab….and he wanted him to repent and turn to Allah for forgiveness and he wanted to teach him to never disregard the call of Allah….

Imagine, hazrat ka’ab(R.A) says to the effect that he feared that if he died in that state where the nabi of Allah was angry with him, he would lose out on nabi(S.A.W) or any sahaba performing his janaazah salaah….and if nabi(S.A.W) had to pass away while he was angry with him…..then he would be doomed forever….

Do I ever have those thoughts when I am committing a sin, let alone making mistakes?…..when I am openly lighting that cigarette…when I am openly laughing with naa mahram women….when I am openly engaged in any sin, when I am ill-treating and abusing my wife?does it ever occur to me that what if Allah takes my life away at that given moment?would I be forgiven by Allah?or would I be ruined and doomed forever?

I threw myself down in my cubicle assigned to me for my I’tikaaf facing the qiblah and cried my heart out…I had never cried this way before..not even when I found out about imran being my real father, and you all know how deeply hurt I was then… I feel a different hurt….today I cry for the loss of myself…today I cry because I’ve wasted over 30 years of my life feeling sorry for myself…

Allah alone knows whose duas it is that got me to feel this way….but whoever it is, I pray that Allah blesses them in their life and grants more and more people this guidance…

I truly pray that Allah keeps me feeling this way always….I make sincere dua and repentance from my past….

Oh Allah!I love you more than I love myself, my family and all that I possess…

I vow to make my life, my death, my rituals, my wealth, everything for Allah only….

Authors note:


10 thoughts on “part 235:

  1. sister/in/Islam says:

    WoW ….. ما شاء الله ….. Defntly that nite was ‘Laylatul Qadr’ ….. Lol ……but seriously .. We cannot judge any1 – if اللَّهُ wants to grant hidayat then no1 can do anything!!
    Faaiza is gonna b soo happy to see this new Ismail , he really needed this as an eye opener – to realise all the wrong that he’s done ……. May اللَّهُ make it easy for all of us to realise what our main goal and aim is in this temporary abode – آمين يا رب العالمين

    How sinful we r , yet every single day we r blessed with soo many bounties – and sometimes extra luxuries too …. But we fail to make shukr to the ONE who is providing us – we blatantly dis-obey اللَّهُ and still expect all these gifts/bounties!!!
    May اللَّهُ save us from being ungrateful and make us from the ‘shaakireen’ – آمين يا رب العالمين

    Really is wonderful to see him like this …. Brings bak sweet memories of Ramadaan and the last 10 nights !!!!!!! ​​​الحمد لله

    جزاك اللهُ خيراً

  2. Sister A. says:

    الْحَمْـّدُاللَّه Ismail repented sincerely.
    إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ he ωɪℓℓ return home a changd person after completing his I’tikaaf ​.

  3. Blogaholic Merchant says:

    Assalamualiakum miss authoress

    I just want to thank you for writing such an inspiring story , and for posting everyday. I really enjoy every post. Even though I’m only 13 years old I don’t even have time to comment on any of your posts or even on any of the other blogs I read. So I’m sending this email just to let you know that I do read every post and I really appreciate it , I really enjoyed today’s post ( part 235) just shows that we are never late to change ourselves. Not only am I enjoying this story I’m also learning a lot. So jazakallah once again 😘 and may Allah accept all your efforts , aameen.


    (P.S please make lots of dua for me as I want to go in to niqaab inshallah )

  4. Masha Allah… When I read the story of Hadhrat Ka’ab (RA), it makes me feel so sad. Their spirit and constant need to please our Nabi (SAW) was incomparable. Imagine, for so many days after they were boycotted, their pleasure at being forgiven was uncontainable. It makes the heart swell with joy.
    Alhumdulillah, can’t believe how much Ismail is changing. Let’s hope the nafs are kept at bay when Ramadhaan ends. May Allah accept. JazakAllah, sister.

  5. tah says:

    Jazaakallah for all the posts. We get to learn soo much everyday. Allah give us all hidayat n keep us all steadfast on His path inshaaAllah.

  6. A says:

    SubhanALLAH!!! What an inspiring post!!!
    May الله make us all realize that we need to turn to him NOW bcoz we don’t know how long we got to live n we don’t know if we will get a second chance.
    The story of Hadhrat Ka’ab is so inspiring that despite always being in the forefront of sacrificing, just once wen he didn’t obey the command of الله, n الله knew it will have an effect he was boycotted for 50 days n he turned in total repentance to الله, الله loved it so much that this incident is also mentioned in the Qur’aan
    May الله make this a life changing post for all of us
    Alhamdulillah Ismail is changing for the better n I think it has a lot to do with his mother’s Duaa for him also as well as his wife’s

  7. Lets hope this change lasts in Ismail. We sometimes go on a spiritual high and then go back to our old ways when the good influence we’ve had is gone. Maybe Faaiza’s duas have finally been answered

  8. B.Q says:

    @blogaholic01 Ameen to all ur duas..

    Another inspiring post I really enjoyed it..may اللَّه guide and inspire all of us and let us draw close 2 him..

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