“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-
Ismail sat down next to me on the bed and began massaging my shoulders gently and then rubbing my back…
Ismail:”you okay babes? What happened?maybe you shouldn’t fast…isn’t you don’t have to?”
Me:”WHAT? Are you crazy? Its just the first one that’s why I’m feeling like this..inshallah tomorrow I’ll be fine..”
I was still quite annoyed with ismail for exaggerating and being nasty to me earlier and also for just being so annoying…he is just annoying right now…
What annoys me more is that he always thinks that everything should be okay once he takes a puff of that damn cigarette…
Ismail:”I’m sorry ok…..(KiSsing my forehead)”
My pride ordered me not to show him that I was melting inside and already forgave him…I tried to still keep an angry, agitated face..
Me:”for what?”(In a harsh tone)
Ismail:” you just need to understand babes….its very hard for me okay and I’m really trying…I want to fast all this year but you just need to bare with me and give me some space… Just, leave me to do whatever I want to okay….I’ll get there oneday inshallah…just leave me to sleep cos when I sleep I don’t feel the fast, when I’m at work its different…I’m busy the whole day and I don’t feel it..but when I’m at home, the day is too long and the house constantly smells of food and then I feel more hungry and moody”
maybe he’s right..maybe I need to just allow him to change on his own..
Ismail was never the type that liked to be pushed or forced to do things..well most of us don’t like to be forced into anything..the best thing IS to do things willingly and on your own..
Even though he wants to sleep the whole day and miss all his salaah, wake up at asr time, shower and play games on his phone right till iftaar time, break his fast and not even perform his maghrib salaah and then suddenly decide to just go for 8-12 rakaats of taraweeh, I’ll just have to accept it and allow him to do as he pleases…
I know its none of my business what he does with his life…but I just feel responsible over him…like Allahs going to question me as to why I hadn’t worked hard enough and helped him onto the right path..
Does Allah not say in the quraan that we should save ourselves AND our family from the fire of jahannum?
And I do love him, and I want him to please Allah so that he can be saved from Allahs wrath….
Me:(sigh)….”Okay…I will…..just leave you to do your own thing….I’m sorry okay…I just love you a lot and the kids and I make more dua for you then we make for ourselves….(Pause)…actually, I don’t think the kids ever make dua for me, they always make dua for you….”
“Why don’t you go and eat! Dadi is busy warming up the food….”
Ismail:”I’m already full….those pies were really lekker….maybe I’ll just nibble on one more, but I’m too stuffed right now..I just want to chill and then I’ll go for taraweeh”
Me:”I think I’m feeling a little better…maybe I should join them at the table….”
Ismail:”you sure?must I get you some food and bring it to the room for you?”
“Ha uh jazakallah….I’m feeling much better shukr…I’ll manage”
Ismail:”before you go, what did that….kulsum want?why did she phone?first they got yusuf to hunt us down and now kulsum…who next?”
Me:”I was also quite skeptical at first…I wasn’t sure what her motives were, but she seemed quite sincere….actually she was complaining quite abit about mummy and them….”
Ismail:”mummy? Pft…you still have the heart to call her that….she’s no mother to me, I’m sorry….so what did she actually call for then…?”
Me:”to share some really good news with us..news that she hasn’t told anyone as yet…”
Ismail:”wow! imagine that! Shouldn’t we feel special? (Sarcastic)”
Me:”(giggle) don’t be so rude…she actually phoned to tell me that she’s expecting!”