part 210:

‘Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem’
(In the name of Allah, the Most kind, The Most Merciful)

Once we returned to our hotel room that day I thought of phoning faaiza but the whole way I couldn’t stop thinking about these people….they were willing to give a stranger half of their business….?

I lived with the ‘gremlins'(as maryam calls them) for my entire 30 somewhat years of my life, I worked tirelessly to bring their business up and running for them, and I took it as my own, yet I got nothing out of it…instead I got a kick up my butt and got shoved out just for standing up once for my rights…

Even dada was kind enough to offer us the filling station…even though I have to work and earn it…and it is for his grand daughter in the end of the day…

But imran and maryam…wow..!I cannot believe it..they don’t know me at all..they don’t know the type of person I am….but they don’t care either….I’ve never felt this type of parental love before….it feels good but I feel really angry at the same time that things turned out the way it did…

That I had to suffer all these years for nothing..when I could have been where they are today..I could have had deen in my life…

Okay I know its my choice and I can still do it…but you don’t understand….being deeni inclined is easier if its taught from a young age…to change and start in your 30’s is not a joke..its not like I don’t want to change..its not like I don’t feel bad for my actions..I do…but I don’t know how to change..its that first step that I need to take…but its the hardest step..

Aqeel:”bro are you shup?”

Me:”huh?yeah…yeah I’m cool”
Aqeel snapped me out of my thoughts of mixed emotion

Aqeel:”whatsup?you know you can talk to me….”

Me:”haa..nothing man..no stress..just thinking about everything..its scary you know….that you get all kinds of people in this world…”

Aqeel didn’t say anything..he just kept quiet allowing me to continue

Me:”how do I face those people when I get back home bru?what do I do?do I just carry on like I know nothing?or do I confront them?”

Aqeel:”you can’t push things under the carpet ismail…you need to stand up and make it known to them…ofcourse in a subtle manner..no need for fights and arguments…honestly there’s nothing they can really do about it now….its too late”

I sighed….he was right….what a meSs!!!my lifes ‘forever a mess-up’

I got to the hotel and called faaiza immediately to tell her what had happened…

She came around the other day after she calmed down and realised she was just being over emotional…faaiza can’t stay mad at me for too long.she loves me too much….so she text me to apologise..

Faaiza:”babes…read the dua for istikhaarah…but honestly I don’t see what’s so bad about it…they are offering it all to you out of their free will..no-ones forcing them..its something that will make them happy…besides, they came all the way looking for you…and since maryams not all that well, anything can happen to her..it will make her happy and if anything happens to her..like..you know..if she passes away….I’m not hoping for it.but atleast you’ve made her happy”

The way I see it, maybe they’re trying to make it up to me for all these years and for giving me away…no money in the world can change my past….

But I guess their gesture is one of good intention…

I continuously recited the short dua that faaiza dishes out for everyone to read:

“Allahumma khirli wakh tarli”
-oh Allah! Choose for me and choose the best for me-

Meeting up with them was really enjoyable…it wasn’t as awkward as I expected..it was fun and kept me going and before I knew it, my time in the UK was up…I needed to head back home….not empty handed ofcourse…..

Lucky I’m a guy….and I generally travel light because these people gave us so many gifts for the family back home..the kids are going to be overly excited…

I really had a great time….and I’m actually quite sad to leave…who knows when I’ll get to see them again…or IF I’ll ever get to see them again…

Guess all good things have to come to an end at some point….

And now, to give my decision….


#revive the sunnah of miswaak
#recitequrandaily

silent living-foreveramessup.wordpress.com

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5 thoughts on “part 210:

  1. sister/in/Islam says:

    I sense some ‘ EMOTIONAL ‘ change in Ismail !!!! Wow .. Seems like they breaking the ice – barrier … ‎​​إنشاءالله

    We’l hav2 wait n see what his decision is …..
    Just hoping for the best – they need some extra happiness in their lives after all they’ve been thru ..

    ‎​​​​جزاك الله

  2. A says:

    It seems that being around Imraan n his family has a positive effect on Ismail n his outlook is already changing
    Lol @ Maryam for calling Ismail’s adoptive parents gremlins
    Now we waiting for Ismail’s desicion, he deserves some happiness after all he’s been through

  3. It is difficult to start changing your habits when you’re older, but there is more reward for one who turns to the straight oath after having gone astray. I trust that Ismail will make the right decision, he’s become more sensible now

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