part 237:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Radio announcement: “we’ll give it another 2 minutes more before we get our final verdict from the secretary general of the united ulama council of south africa as to whether tomorrow will be eid or not inshallah….”

Does This mean that no-one has yet sighted the moon for eid? …I’m not sure if I’ll be happy or sad…

In a way I’ll be glad because then I have one more day to prepare properly and also a few more hours to spend in this blessed month…

Who knows if I’ll get to see another one next year or not..?

But I’ll also be sad because I’m really anxious to sEe ismail again…

10 days without him was a really long time…

It really is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder….

And finally the announcement came that tomorrow will be eid alhamdulillah…

There were quite a few sightings in the johannesburg area..

I did send the kids outside to look for the moon…even though they were unable to sight it, its a sunnah to atleast try and I’d love for them to atleast make that effort…

Okay so this was it….I’m finally going to see my husband…

Because it was so close to esha salaah, dada and ismail would perform their esha salaah in the masjid before coming home….

I had a lovely table set for ismail with a few of his favourite savouries and food… I’m sure he’ll appreciate a good meal at the table with all of us after these 10 long days…

I then went upstairs, performed my esha salaah and waited ever so anxiously for him to walk through the doors…

Time seemed to have been dragging and it was as if though I could hear the clock ticking in the background…

Until finally I could hear some chatter downstairs…

After waiting for another couple of minutes which felt like hours, ismail finally barged through the doors and the sight before me took me completely by surprise….

Alhamdulillah…the noor emanating from his face was so noticeable and made him look even more handsome than he was before…

His beard had grown slightly longer and made his face look more full..

And definitely ismails been eating well because besides it being apparent on his face, his stomach had a slight bulge which could be noticed through his kurta….

He came forward to hug me after greeting me with salaam… And you know me? It was such an emotional moment for me that I started chunking again….as usual….

I held on tight and didn’t want to let go… I needed to let him know how much I’d really missed him…

Ismail:” you really missed me huh babes?”(Light laugh)

Me:(giggle)”obviously! So? How was it?”

Ismail pulled off his kurta and lay on the bed with a huge ‘aaaah’

Ismail:” it was awesome! Something you’ll only understand once you experience it for yourself….too too good….seriously.. I didn’t think I’ll manage…the first few days with tough. But today when I left the masjid, I just felt a different kind of sadness….”

Alhamdulillah! That is so lovely to hear… I never thought I’d ever see this day when ismail would ever look so pleased with something of deen…..

Me:”so I’m sure you didn’t even miss me one bit?!”
I said that hoping for abit of extra attention…

Ismail:”ofcourse I did my love…(Smile)”

Me:”but I thought you’ll atleast message me…you did have your phone with you…”

Ismail:”I told you that I’m only taking my phone with for emergencies…I didn’t want to waste time with all of that.. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to sit in I’tikaaf again in my life…although there was a specific day that I was itching to message you.. I had some very interesting news to share with you……and I couldn’t wait to tell you…”




part 236:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Back to Faaizas point of view:

I was a bunch of nerves.. I felt like a new bride…. But we weren’t even sure if eid was tomorrow or not…

I had a couple of things still to do…

I didn’t want to bake to early..I wanted everything to be fresh… Just the way ismail likes things..

I decided to make a whole lot of ismails favourites… My old favourite home-made chocolate cake with a rich choc/coffee icing, some baklava cheesecakes will be yummy and ismails favourite boudoir biscuit dessert..

He likes the simple but tasty things so that kind of makes my life abit easier..

My chickens were washed and marinated, rice was steamed, masoor boiled and all ready, I just needed to set the biryani and put up my roast and this eid I took the easy way out and bought fried onions, instead of having to fry a whole bag of onions like I usually do at my inlaws every year…

I feel so relaxed compared to every other year…it actually felt weird to not be crazy busy…

Eid at my inlaws was a whole new thing…

For them I used to be busy baking the whole last 10 days of ramadaan because we had to make parcels to send to everyone that they knew… Because ofcourse ‘what will everyone say if we don’t send for them?’ rolling eyes

But according to me it was more for show than anything else..

All they wanted was to show off to everyone what lovely and neat biscuits THEY could make… And obviously no credit to the slog of a daughter inlaw that actually makes it all… And the stunning plates they’d send them in was on a whole new level altogether..

But I don’t really Allah watches and he knows that I did it all just to please him…I didn’t need any compliments or praise from anyone..

I really wonder who’s going to be slogging away this eid in their house..? Or maybe that panchaat aunty that cooks for them will do their eid stuff too…

Whatever! Who gives a damn really?…that’s their lives and their business…

For now, I missed ismail like crazy during these 10 days…

I really expected him to atleast message me even once, but he didn’t…. Which is good I suppose…but you know how we women are? We expect abit of attention…

I’m just worried about him. I wonder if he managed or if he found it tough.. Has he been eating well?

I used to send food almost everyday for him with dada. And the baskets used to come back empty. The next day, but I wasn’t sure if he was eating or everyone else was eating the food instead..

Well I guess, whoever ate it, as long as it didn’t go to waste.. And I got some reward for feeding some fasting people..

Everyones been sAying that they don’t think tomorrow is eid.. Nobody seems to be ready and everyone wants to fast an extra fast this year.. But I feel like crap because I missed 20 WHOLE fasts…

Ramadaan without fasting just loses its essence completely…

Alhamdulillah the kids managed all thus far… They were well and healthy and their dada imran called a couple of times to check up on them and all of us…

Alhamdulillah, he says that maryams been doing great. Her health has surprisingly improved a whole lot..

Its so amazing what a little bit of good news can do for a person….shukr to Allah for that…

Dada:”faaiza beti…..come quick! We listening to the radio and waiting for the final announcement to know if its eid tomorrow or not….”

Authors note:
Maaf for no post yesterday, please bare with me over the next few days as I may not be able to post regularly, but I will try my best to type a post whenever I do have a few minutes…

Since there was no post yesterday, I’ll try for another post later today inshallah..

Jumu’ah mubarak to everyone and please don’t forget to contribute to the durood challenge, kalima tayyibah challenge and quraan khatam…



part 235:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Ismails point of view:

I was rushing to my cubicle to message faaiza when the athaan went off…

Shux… I guess it will have to wait till after taraweeh…

I hastened to make wudhu and get ready for esha salaah..

tonight is the 27th night, I’m sure we’re going to be busy throughout the night, they’ve got some cool programs lined up for us on the odd nights, atleast in that way there’s no wasting much time…

I sat for the talk after taraweeh salaah listening to a great scholar narrate the story of hazrat ka’ab ibn malik(R.A) at the time of the tabuk expedition…

He narrated it with such feeling and pain in his heart….it brought tears to my eyes and I wondered how Allah would forgive me for being such a pathetic muslim…

At the time when nabi(S.A.W) undertook the expedition of tabuk, it was the last that nabi(S.A.W) himself participated in…it was on this great event that hazrat abu bakr(R.A) gave his entire wealth in Allahs path…hazrat umar(R.A) gave half and every muslim gave all that they could in Allahs path, however this was still not enough….

The hypocrites insisted that the heat was far too much and that it wouldn’t be necessary to put themselves through such torture…

Allah then revealed the ayah to the effect that the fire of jahannam is hotter…

Hazrat ka’ab bin malik(R.A) was such a sahabah who had participated in every battle previously, including the battle of badr….at the time of tabuk, he was flourishing with wealth….and kept on thinking that he has enough and when the call comes, it won’t take him long to quickly ready himself and leave…however, when the time did come, he thought that there are enough people going and that if he missed just this one only, he won’t be missed as there are enough others to make up for him….

when he realised that every person had gone besides him and 2 other sahabah and the only people left behind were the hypocrites, the women and children and those who had a valid excuse for not participating, he began to feel immense grief, sorrow and regret….

When nabi(S.A.W) returned from the expedition, he went straight to the masjid as was his habit and after performing 2 rakaahs of tahiyyatul masjid, he sat waiting for people to come and greet him…

All the hypocrites came forth with their sad excuses which nabi(S.A.w) accepted and left it in Allahs hands…

When hazrat ka’ab(R.A) came forward..nabi(S.A.W) turned his face from him….

He explained the truth of the matter instead of making feeble excuses and he begged nabi(S.A.W) for forgiveness…..

Nabi(S.A.W) excused him but did not speak to him thereafter and all the other muslims were made to boycott hazrat ka’ab(R.A)…no-one, not even the closest of relatives spoke to or interacted with hazrat ka’ab(R.A) for 50 days…it was the hardest time of his life….

Hazrat ka’ab(R.A) had outdone himself and given himself for Allah in every battle previously, yet for not accepting Allahs call just this once, he was ignored completely by the prophet of Allah…

It made me shiver, just thinking that someone of such great calibre…someone who was guaranteed jannah and given glad tidings….such a person, my nabi had turned his face away from him….?

And then I expect people not to judge me, I expect that Allah knows what is in my heart..I expect that nabi(S.A.W) will not turn his face from a sinful person like myself?that the leader of all prophets is not going to ignore me for blatantly discarding his teachings…for throwing away his sunnah….for putting a blade against my face and following the footsteps of the kuffaar?

I am most definitely mistaken…

Hazrat ka’ab(R.A) is a sahaba….I can never reach his status, I am not even worth the dust on his shoes….hazrat ka’ab was a true believer who hadn’t committed a major sin…he hadn’t listened to music, he hadn’t neglected his salaah, he hadn’t followed the ways of a kaafir…his faith was certain….and deep down nabi(S.A.W) knew that and it was out of deep love that nabi(S.A.W) did what he did….because he loved hazrat ka’ab….and he wanted him to repent and turn to Allah for forgiveness and he wanted to teach him to never disregard the call of Allah….

Imagine, hazrat ka’ab(R.A) says to the effect that he feared that if he died in that state where the nabi of Allah was angry with him, he would lose out on nabi(S.A.W) or any sahaba performing his janaazah salaah….and if nabi(S.A.W) had to pass away while he was angry with him…..then he would be doomed forever….

Do I ever have those thoughts when I am committing a sin, let alone making mistakes?…..when I am openly lighting that cigarette…when I am openly laughing with naa mahram women….when I am openly engaged in any sin, when I am ill-treating and abusing my wife?does it ever occur to me that what if Allah takes my life away at that given moment?would I be forgiven by Allah?or would I be ruined and doomed forever?

I threw myself down in my cubicle assigned to me for my I’tikaaf facing the qiblah and cried my heart out…I had never cried this way before..not even when I found out about imran being my real father, and you all know how deeply hurt I was then… I feel a different hurt….today I cry for the loss of myself…today I cry because I’ve wasted over 30 years of my life feeling sorry for myself…

Allah alone knows whose duas it is that got me to feel this way….but whoever it is, I pray that Allah blesses them in their life and grants more and more people this guidance…

I truly pray that Allah keeps me feeling this way always….I make sincere dua and repentance from my past….

Oh Allah!I love you more than I love myself, my family and all that I possess…

I vow to make my life, my death, my rituals, my wealth, everything for Allah only….

Authors note:


part 234:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Ismails point of view:

Me:” what do you mean muazzin saheb? How did you put an end to it? Did you manage to speak to yusuf?”

Muazzin:” more than that bhai…”(He smirked)

Muazzin: “I called him over and had a chat with him….I asked him how serious he is….and he admitted that he’s very serious…but he also explained to me the poor condition of the family at this moment… He said that sadly they won’t accept hafsa…because she’s black…..”

Ismail: “that’s for sure.. But this sounds strange… Yusuf is really serious? Like he’s ready for marriage? Isn’t he abit immature still? will he manage to look after a wife and handle all the responsibility of a marriage?”

Muazzin: “that’s the problem nowadays bhai… If we are mature enough and big enough to be chatting up other girls and dating and all that, then we should be mature enough to marry… There’s no such a thing as courting and all that.. A person needs to take responsibility for his actions…we can’t ruin a girls reputation and then run when you’re bored”

Ismail:” very true…. But where do I fit in this whole thing…..?”

Muazzin: “you see, yusuf agreed to make nikaah with hafsa.. But I didn’t want to do it just like that, I wanted to inform the family…. Which didn’t turn out very well”

Ismail: “why am I not surprised?!pft….”

Muazzin: “it actually turned out worst than I expected.. Yusuf got his father and mother together and took me to discuSs it with them.. Alhamdulillah his father is quite open minded about it.. But his mother…allahu akbar… Took it totally out of proportion…”

Ismail:”really? How?”

Now I was interested….this was getting more and more juicy…

Muazzin: “she started throwing a tantrum and screaming and swearing and said never over her dead body will she ever allow her son to marry a….a…let’s just say she mentioned a few very nasty names that hurt quite badly… Especially considering the fact that we are muslims, we are not just people off the street… And why should colour matter.. Are we all not muslim? Besides… My children were born in this town, they schooled amongst all the indian children, why should we be treated so low? So after the meeting, apparently yusufs parents had too many big fights about this whole thing and she packed up and left to go live with your mother..”

Ismail: “sadly muazzin saheb…this is the condition of our people nowadays…and besides… A proposal to your daughter should be valued… Your status is one none of us will ever be able to reach….”

Its sad how people use ludicrous names to refer to the muazzins whereas a muazzins status in the eyes of Allah is far greater than any normal muslim…

The muazzin is a chosen one of Allah and is guaranteed jannah…

I once heard in a jumu’ah lecture that I think it was ibn umar(R.A) who narrated from nabi(S.A.W) that the muazzin will receive forgiveness to the extent the voice of his Adhan reaches; every living and non-living thing that hears his voice, supplicates for his forgiveness. In another narration it is stated: Every living and nonliving thing replies to his Adhan.

That’s how great is the rank of a muazzin… Yet we give them no value whatsoever…we refer to them with names such as baangi saap and all crazy things which isn’t even fit for a toilet cleaner…

Even Allah mentions in the quraan that who Is better in speech than the one who calls towards Allah….

And colour matters so much…forget colour…which town your great great great grandfather came from makes such a difference today…pathetic…!

Why should all of that matter…?

Islam is not only for indians…..we indians(well I’m not actually indian, from what I’ve recently discovered) think we own the religion.. When nabi(S.A.W) himself wasn’t even an indian…

Nabi(S.A.W)’s love for hazrat bilaal(R.A) was so great and yet he was a black abyssinian..

But anyway, so that’s why rukayas been back home a couple of times lately….

Me:”so then what muaZzin saheb?”

Muazzin: “yusufs father gave his consent and said we should go ahead with it if yusuf is happy…and so we performed nikaah… But your parents and your sister are totally against it… But we went ahead with it in the end….”

Me:”what? Yusuf is married?(I laughed hysterically)….”

Muazzin:” yusuf mentioned that you and your wife are not living with your parents anymore and he felt that you’ll will accept it and he wanted to tell you personally but he couldn’t get hold of you…”

Me:”hmmm…that’s is a hell of a lot to take in….(Sigh)…I think I need another smoke…”

Muazzin:” bhai…aren’t you sitting in I’tikaaf? You shouldn’t be smoking anywhere near the masjid.. The masjid is the most sacred of places…”

Me:”ya ya…but its tough…I know… But its just one of those very die hard habits..make dua inshallah…”

Muazzin:” I have to go now bhai… Nice meeting you! And contact yusuf some time to give him some support…inshallah….assalaamu alaykum”

He pat me on my back and rushed away….

I couldn’t digest all this drama that was going on lately….faaiza just HAD to know about this…I should message her just to tell her….cos I can’t keep it in..I’m itching to tell her!

Authors note:


quraan khatam 1(thul qa’dah):

‘Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem’
(In the name of Allah, the Most kind, The Most Merciful)

Alhamdulillah 4 more khatams have been completed….

And 3 more by zana…

So a total of 9 khatams were completed in the month of shawaal…

Please contribute your paras below to our 1st khatam of thul qa’dah…even if you can manage only half or quarter para, feel free to contribute and inshallah the paras may be shared in that way..

May Allah accept our weak efforts..ameen!









9.Silent living

10.Silent living




14.Silent living

15.Silent living

16.Silent living

17.Silent living

18.Silent living

19.Silent living





24.Sister A.

25.Sister A.

26.Taken by …..

27.Taken by ……

28.Sister A




Please don’t forget our kalimah tayyibah khatam..we need to reach 70 000 inshallah before starting another one..we are currently on 51 200…you may comment your contributions under this post if you like

We need another 2 600 durood to complete our durood challenge 18…



part 233:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Ismails point of view:

Me:”huh?yeah I’m ismail….what does that have to do with anything? Why are you and yusuf looking for me so desperately? If this has anything to do with that pathetic family of his…then I’m not interested….”

I was clearly very annoyed…what are they really upto now? Getting even the mu’azzin involved in their pathetic scams….

Mu’azzin cackled….
“Calm down bhai…come…let’s go somewhere that I can talk to you..its abit of a lengthy story…”

We walked more towards the masjid but to a rather quieter spot…

Muazzin:”I don’t have much time..I’m going to try to brief this story for you because Its almost time for the esha athaan…”

I nodded in anticipation…

Muazzin began:
“You see….I have 6 children…the eldest of which is 16 years old and the youngest is 2….”

Like really? I thought to myself..what the hell does the mu’azzins family tree have to do with my life and with yusuf or with why they were looking for me since before I went to the UK…????

I irritatedly listened on..

Muazzin:” My wife passed on 2 years ago whilst giving birth to my youngest baby… Leaving me with 6 children to look after all by myself… But Allah is great you know, that was the reason Allah probably gave me a daughter as my first child.. So alhamdulillah she is mature enough to help around and take full control of the house by her age…”

Okay??soooo??get on with this bore….

Muazzin:”but I think all the pressure had turned my daughter hafsa into abit of a rebel… You know, she changed..she became a little more demanding.. She changed her ways of dressing, she wanted a cellphone etc…”

I’m lost….where exactly is all this going to? I tried hard to fit the pieces of the puzzle and figure out what this had to do with me..

Muazzin:” she’s also looked after us well so I sort of felt like she deserved to be spoilt abit… Not realising that I was spoiling her in the wrong way and with the wrong things….”


Muazzin:” a cellphone is a curse my brother..the things these young ones get up to..astaghfirullah…Allah save our youth…”


Muazzin:” so she got abit carried away and began chatting to random people on facebook and whatsapp, bbm all those funny things..I don’t even know where else…”


Muazzin:” and that’s where your nephew yusuf comes into the whole picture…”

Ismail:”WHAT????yusuf?and err…your daughter?”

Whoa…I never expected that…not that there’s anything wrong..but muazzin is of african origin…yes they are born muslims… But yusuf, being brought up with the indian mentality of his mother and grandparents… I never thought he’d do something like that…

Muazzin:” well ofcourse things get worse brother…”

Ismail:”how much worse? I hope he hasn’t….err… You know…”

Sh**!!!I really hope yusuf hasn’t done anything drastic…

Muazzin:” well they got quite comfortable with eachother..but my daughter never mentioned to him that she was…black..until yusuf insisted on meeting her….”

Ismail:” she must be devastated…maaf muazzin saheb…make me maaf for this family….you need me to sort him out and get him to apologise and things?”

Muazzin:”no no brother….relax! That’s when hafsa came to me and confessed all that had happened because she was afraid to meet him and afraid of me finding out somehow…I asked her to be honest with him…you know brother, honesty is everything… So anyway, she told him and surprisingly he wasn’t upset at all… Apparently he really ‘liked’ her a lot for her character and didn’t care about what colour she was and all that…..”

Wwwwhhhaaa???this is news!

Muazzin:”I know…coming from the community we live in, I admire yusuf for that…but one thing I cannot accept is this haraam dating and talking and all of that…so I had to put an end to it once and for all!”

Authors note:


part 232:

“Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem”
-in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful-

Ismails point of view:

I quickly stubbed my cigarette and watched where he was going…

He was walking towards the back entrance of the masjid so that alone proved that he wasn’t coming for salaah…

Besides, it was way too late for maghrib and a little too early for esha…

I had to be careful not to go beyond the masjid perimeters as I was in I’tikaaf…and also had to be careful that yusuf doesn’t notice me or see that I’m watching him…

It was quite hard because he kept on watching around him.. Almost as if though he was worried that someone would see him..

Funny how when we are upto something we have to constantly watch our backs..

It leaves us restless and uneasy with no peace at all…

Always in fear that someones watching our every move..

So if we just don’t do mischief and live our lives with an open slate, it makes our lives less stressful and fearful…

Like my parents for example.. Maybe they are the way they are because they are always afraid of people finding out their secrets.. And for them, everything seems to be a secret..

I remember as I was growing up, we always had to be careful about the answers we gave anyone when they asked us even simple questions…

Because according to them, people don’t need to know everything about our lives.. Like why? What should be so private about where you bought your eid shoe? Or where we were going for our next holiday? Or how much we paid for a damn chocolate…?

I don’t understand their stupid theories..but atleast now I don’t need to understand any of it any way.. They’re not a part of me and I don’t even feel guilty cutting myself from them.. Because they’re not even my blood family so there’s no such a thing that I’m cutting ties with them.. They’re are no-one to me!

I was thinking so hard about how restless and full of fear yusuf looked that I didn’t realise that I’d just bumped into someone…

It was the muazzin….

Muazzin:”whoa..! Maaf brother…careful!…did I hurt you?”

Me:”no no..maaf, its my fault…my mind was somewhere else and I wasn’t watching where I was walking.”

Muazzin gave a light laugh and put his hand humbly on my shoulder…
“No worries brother…anything I can help you with?you seem to be looking for something?”


Now I was put in a situation….I didn’t know what to answer and that brought me back to my thinking.. Should I answer him with a lie like I was taught by my parents.. To lie about everything? And just make up some silly excuse that I was lost?

But then I just thought about how evil and stupid they are for lying about everything, so what makes me any better than them?

And I’m supposed to be sitting for I’tikaaf, lying shouldn’t even be part of my thoughts let alone actions…

Or should I simply speak the truth?

Hey! Wait! If I speak the truth, he’ll probably be able to give me an answer about yusuf.. Surely he knows something because yusuf was heading to where the mu’azzin stays… And the mu’azzin is in the masjid everyday, he obviously has noticed yusufs car around here lately…

Now I’m definitely onto something here…aha!!!!

Me:”no not something…err.. I was actually looking for someONE….”

Muazzin looked rather confused….
“Someone?here brother?no-one really could be here…there’s only my home here…unless you were looking for me?”

Me:”no, actually I was looking for my nephew….yusuf..I’m almost certain that I seen him coming this way…”

Muazzin now straightened his creased forehead and smiled gently at me..

Mu’azzin:”aah…yusuf bhai!..hmm…and you say you are his uncle?you must be brother ismaa’il then? We couldn’t get hold of you, so Allah has brought you to us…alhamdulillah….”

Authors note: