‘Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem’
(In the name of Allah, the Most kind, The Most Merciful)
Maryams point of view:
Imran:”maryam…love….will you just calm down…relax yourself…”
Abdurahman:”jee ummi…please stop stressing so much!”
Me:”you don’t understand…I am seeing my child after 30 somewhat years and you guys are actually telling me to calm down?(Shaking my head and pacing up and down)….impossible…totally impossible…what if he doesn’t like us?what if he runs away….ya Allah…what if he doesn’t like the food we prepared…(Biting my fingers)”
Abdurahman and imran just burst out laughing….
Abdurahman:”ummi you’re overreacting…seriously….”
Imran:”love…he’ll just adore you…there’s nothing to worry about…if he doesn’t like the food, we’ll just buy something else”
I’m not the best of cooks….moes mum and sister taught me the basic curry and rice and taught me all the indian spices but I’m still no pro at indian cuisine…ask me to make a pasta….well that I’m a pro at…
So for today, I didn’t risk cooking for ismaa’il….incase the food turns out abit…you know…poisonous or something…
We just ordered a variety of foods…I don’t know what type of food he likes, so we got some fast food and some indian stuff..
I’m nervous as hell….they just need to understand that…what does he think of me?
That I’m a pathetic mum that just abandoned my child and didn’t bother about him for so many years?if only he knows..if only ismaa’il knows the pain I’ve been through throughout these years…the piercing in my heart everytime I thought about my little angel…
Do you have any idea what its like to give birth to your child and not be able to care for them or grow them up?
To watch little children annoying their mums at the grocery store…
To see kids nagging their daddys for an ice-cream…
When you know that you have a child but had to give him up because you just never had the means to keep him…
The regret I have! The regret that no-one will ever understand…
One thing is giving birth to your child and then losing your child by Allah taking that child away…you know that your child is in a better place…you know that Allah is looking after your child…you know that you will be reunited with your child on the day of qiyaamah and you know that that child is your ticket to jannah…
But this pain I’ve had all these years…that I have a child….my first child…..but I have no idea where he is…if he’s safe….if he’s been looked after well enough…whether he’s been given the proper islamic upbringing….whether I’ll ever have the privilege of meeting my child again…will I ever get to hold him again and tell him how much I love him and that if I could change the past, I would never give him up…I would never let those gremlins take him away from me…..
And now…..Allahu akbar! Allah is reuniting me with my child…..most definitely Allah is GReat…no!Allah is The Greatest!!!
Allah has seen my suffering throughout the years…Allah was the one who heard my cries and prayers….my eyesight has weakened even due to the crying all these years….
Don’t get me wrong..I’m not a depressed soul….I try to be happy around everyone…but I cry to my Creator…that same Creator who reunited my soul with imaan after it had been lost…that same Creator is now reuniting a mother with her long lost son…
Ofcourse I have to be prepared…he obviously won’t feel that type of affection towards me…he won’t know me….but I feel that for him….I love my son…I have never stopped loving my son…and I will never stop loving him….
all this time I’ve been listening over the news with regards to the people of palestine and I feel their pain…..I hurt for them……those mothers having to lose not only their sons, but their husbands aswel and their entire families, their homes, their lives….and here am I…how fortunate am I that Allah has kept my son safe…has kept me safe and has granted me better shelter than I’ve had before…
Something that I’ve read lately has kept me inspired and I try to live by it…
The 4 golden rules of attaining success is this:
1. Be honest in poverty.
2. Be simple when wealthy.
3. Be polite in authority.
4. Be silent in anger.
If I look back at our lives….we have suffered severe poverty…..so severe that I had to have my child given away…..but we never lied to attain a little extra wealth….we tried to rather live with less but never to lie..
And now that Allah has granted us abundance in wealth….we haven’t forgotten our times of difficulty…I hate extravagance….alhamdulillah we live comfortably…..but never over the top and I will not spend an extra pound just to impress someone else…
Ismaa’il is coming to meet me for the first time..but he should see us and love us for who we are…and how we live….
How can I eat out of gold rimmed plates 3 times a day when my brothers and sisters don’t even get food in a normal plate even once a day….
Okay……this shows my stress..I’m babbling away…I rather pull out my miswaak and stay calm….this is my weapon….my miswaak…I use it at anytime….just reviving this sunnah helps me deal with my situations so much better….
there’s the buzzer…..I’m sure they’ve arrived….and finally…it is the meeting of 2 souls who have waited far too long to meet!
#revive the sunnah of miswaak