‘Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem’
(In the name of Allah, the Most kind, The Most Merciful)
Maryam:”love?love!you’re scaring me!what’s going on?is everything ok?is there something wrong with our baby?”
I tried to compose myself abit…I couldn’t do this to her…its not fair on her…
I breathed in and let out a very heavy sigh…
“No…not at all…..he’s beautiful alhamdulillah…he’s healthy and normal shukr to Allah….”
I handed him over to maryam who’s smile was so incredible….how could I wipe that smile of my wifes face?how can I break her heart…..?I will never be able to forgive myself…how can I separate a mother from her first and only child?I will work much harder…I will work 3 jobs from now on if I have to….and I will try my best to provide for them as much as possible….
I can’t! It was something that I’d consulted in Allah for the last couple of weeks…and I had told Him that if it was a son, then that would be our sign that it was best to let go….
I had made istikhaarah and this was my answer…
I was so deep in thought that I hadn’t heard maryam talking to me…
Maryam:”love?you don’t look ok..I’ve been talking to you but its almost as if though you’re not here..where is your mind?”
Me:”I’m sorry sweetheart…I think I’m just really exhausted..I haven’t slept for a very long time…what were you saying?”
Maryam:”I was saying….maybe we should name him ismaa’il…..you know, after prophet ismail(A.S)….he was the son of ibraahim….and you know what hardships prophet ibrahim and his wife haajar went through when e was a little baby….but they got through it..alhamdulillah…”
Maryam smiled, looked down at the baby and kissed him on his head…
Maryam:”don’t you think its so apt….for our situation…we’ve been through so much too….and inshallah Allah will help us get through it aswel….”
Ya Allah!!!!what was this woman saying…I covered my face with my hands and tried to keep myself from letting go again…..
Maryam:”umm….love?err…if you don’t like the name we can choose something else…..?we have 7 days to choose you know”
This was it…..I had to discuss this all with maryam….
I took the baby from her and carefully placed him in the plastic cot provided….I sat down next to maryam, took her hands in mine and explained everything to her from the beginning……
I watched as a tear dropped down her cheek….
Maryam was silent for a very long while……I wanted her to say something…..anything…..just so I know what she feels……in the end its whatever she decides…she had to go through the hardship of bringing this child into this world….she should have all the right to make the final decision…
Maryam stared at the cot beside us avoiding my gaze…
“Then ismaa’il it shall be…..”
I looked at her with a puzzled look?what’s that supposed to mean?after all that I told her, all she could tell me in return was that we will keep his name ismaa’il? Honestly its getting harder to read this woman as the months go by….
Maryam:”like I said…..its so apt for our situation…..prophet ibraahim(A.S) was made to sacrifice his son ismaa’il…..was he not?”
She looked at me for an answer…
All I could do was nod..
Maryam:”so well….we too will sacrifice our son ismaa’il for the pleasure of Allah…”
I could not believe my ears…this was definitely not the reaction I was expecting at all…I expected her to throw me out of the room and out of her life for even considering such a thing….
Maryam:”what?don’t look at me like that……imran…love……you always remind me….that we were astray…destined to jahannam…when Allah had brought us to guidance….Allah had hand picked and chosen us from amongst millions, if not billions of people to come onto the straight path…He has favoured us with so much more than many in this world….we may have nothing materially….and we have no guarantee that we will be amongst the fortunate ones to enter jannah…this would have to be our sacrifice for His pleasure….it will inshallah be in the best interested of this little angel that he be handed over to someone else who will be able to give him what we unfortunately won’t be able to…”
This is the reason I said before that Allah had bestowed upon me an Allah fearing woman..to be able to give up the only asset you have JUST for the pleasure of Allah and sacrifice your own pleasures and happiness JUST so your child may have better….this is truly a quality loved by Allah….
Once maryam was discharged, and rested and healed well, we informed sheikh that we would go ahead with it…but first we’d like to meet the family that we were handing our most prized possession over to…
8 khatams complete alhamdulillah