part 186:

‘Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem’
(In the name of Allah, the Most kind, The Most Merciful)

Me:”maryam….I need to discuss something really important with you….are you busy?”

Maryam:”I’m almost done praying and then I’ll be with you in just a few moments…can it wait until I’m done praying?or is it very urgent?”

Me:”no no….continue…salaah first…..our conversation can wait a while”

I waited nervously for her to finish her salaah, unaware of what the outcome may be…

What if she refused and got angry with me and left to be on her own?what if she too just deserted me like everyone else….?how would I manage?…maryam was all that I had left….

“No!you are wrong” a voice from within told me… “You are not alone….you now have Allah and His nabi(S.A.W) with you, you will never be alone”….but I was still afraid of maryams reaction…

Maryam:”ok….what’s so important?you look like a nervous wreck….did something happen imraan?are you ok?”

She looked at me with so much of concern and care in her eyes….that just gave me the go ahead to continue as I realised that maryam had enough feelings for me to even think of refusing..

Me:”umm…I’ve just been thinking a lot lately…..”

I tried to say this in a way that she wouldn’t freak out….I played with the words in my mind and silently prayed for Allah to put the correct words in my mouth…

Maryam looked at me curiously…

Maryam:”about?”

Me:”well….err…you know we are muslims now….and…err…as muslims its our duty to fulfil every command of Allah and His beloved rasool(S.A.W)….we are clean and pure of all sins just like when our mothers had given birth to us as soon as we took our shahaadah and in no way do I think we should change that….Allah has given us a second chance in life..He has renewed us…its up to us to keep ourselves pure and free of major sin….”

Maryam:”definitely imraan….you are so right…(Pause)..but where are you going with this?what is it that you are trying to tell me?”

Me:”(looking down)well you do know that islam has prohibited the inter mingling of the opposite sex…that a woman and man should not ever be alone together or have any contact with eachother unless…err…unless….”

Maryam:”unless they are married…I get that….so what?are you saying that you want to cut ties with me aswel?are you saying that I should move on with my life all alone?”

Maryam was misunderstanding…she thought that I was abandoning her..she thought that I would actually leave her to fend for herself…in a way that hurt…to think that she didn’t trust me enough to know that I would never do that to her…

I tried calming her down so that I could explain to her what I was trying to say…but you know how woman can be…..?

They’ll rattle away without giving you a chance to get in a word inbetween….

And then the waterworks….I didn’t even listen to what she was saying, because she was clearly emotionAl….and scared I suppose, of being alone….without anyone…in a new religion all by her self…

I rested against the sofa and crossed my arms..I looked straight into her face and allowed her to let it all out…

It hurt me to see her crying..I wanted to hug her to make her feel better…but no-one asked her to over react and misunderstand things…

I tapped my foot on the floor impatiently waiting for her to stop her moaning…..

Maryam:”and look at you…you..you….you just telling me to get lost in a nice way and you’re sitting there all so calm while I’m crying and all emotional……(And she burst into more tears)”

It was finally silent for a few seconds….I allowed her weeping to settle down to a calmer pace and before she could start all over again, I calmly asked:
“So?are you done with your whole hate speech?can I continue and get to the point that you’ve clearly misunderstood?”

Maryam:”(screaming)misunderstood?what could I have misunderstood?what….”

And before she could start all over again,I cut her off and blurted out…
“Maryam!shut up!…..I want to marry you dammit! I’m not leaving you or abandoning you!….I want to spend the rest of my life looking after you and caring for you as your only mahram!!!!!!”


Authors note:
Jumu’ah mubarak to everyone..please make me maaf for not posting yesterday as I had serious network problems uptil now and was unable to post.. I also had no access to e-mails so unfortunately I couldn’t even read or respond to any comments..and I had no way of informing you all..
To make up for yesterday there will inshallah be 2 posts today…
Rem me and my family in your duas on this auspicious day…

silent living-foreveramessup.wordpress.com

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7 thoughts on “part 186:

  1. A says:

    جزاك الله خيرا for the lovely post, was really worried wen u didn’t reply to any comments yesterday
    Poor Maryam, typical woman reaction, can’t wait to red what happens next

  2. sister/in/Islam says:

    Awww maan …… Ladies .. What can we do but get emotional – lol

    Hmmmm … Imagine what mustb going thru her mind now …. All the waterworx for nothing – ‎​​​الحمد لله .. How reverts just embrace all the laws is soo eye-opening for us… We take soo much for grantd , yet they try hard to fulfill many things …

    ‎​​​​جزاك الله

    Really missed u Mrs S …
    *hugs*
    Lotsa love

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