‘Bismillahir rahmaanir raheem’
(In the name of Allah, the Most kind, The Most Merciful)
One wednesday afternoon, ismail returned home from fetching the kids from school and looked terribly upset.he didn’t even stay downstairs to have lunch and went straight upstairs….for the life of me I couldn’t understand what was happening to him…why was he so upset?
Or maybe he just wasn’t feeling too well….he just went straight up to the room and told raadiya to ask me for a panado…
I settled the kids down and went upstairs with a glass of water and thought it will give me some time to talk to him….
Me:”here you go babes?(Handing him the pill and water) is everything ok?are you feeling sick or something?”
He sat up to drink the pill…
Ismail:”please can you ask dada to drop the kids off at madressah today?I cancelled all my work and took off for the afternoon…”
He didn’t even wait for an answer and went back to lay down..
Me:”ok….I’ll be right back…..”
I went downstairs to tell dada who’s always too happy to help out and do things for us…..I really love my grandparents and don’t know what I’d do without them….
Dadi:”is ismail not feeling well bachu?why don’t you take some food up for him if he’s feeling too sick to come to the table?!…”
Me:”I will dadi…just now, I’ll just ask him if he’d like to eat first…you know sometimes you don’t feel for food when you’re not feeling well…”
Dadi:”maybe he’s coming down with the flu or something…he should get himself to a doctor and get an injection bachu, before it gets worse….you know how its been with this weather lately…everyones getting sick..we have all 4 seasons in one day….”
Me:”jee..but its strange, because he was quite ok yesterday and this morning..no sign of him being sick or anything…(Confused)”
Dadi:”that’s how this flu is beti..one minute you’re perfectly fine and next minute you’re knocked out…”
I went upstairs to sEe if he maybe wanted something to eat and found him still laying in the same position I left him earlier, on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow…
I sat down next to him on the bed and rubbed his back gently…
Me:”baby?can I bring you something to eat?”
he just shook his head
Me:”or maybe a cup of tea?”
Again he just shook his head
Me:”whats wrong babes? Are you getting the flu?is your throat sore?”
Again….he just shook his head…
Now I’m worried..I have no idea what is going on…if he’s not sick, then what?did I do something maybe to upset him?I don’t remember doing anything…but with ismail you can never know…he gets angry even if I don’t do anything wrong…(Sigh)
Maybe it has something to do with work…maybe something happened at work…
Me:”babes, is everything ok at work?are you stressed out at work?did something happen?”
Again…..he shook his head..and not a word from his mouth….
I tried pushing him over to his side or to lay on his back…but ismails quite heavy and with my lack of energy from the pregnancy, it was more difficult than I thought….
Finally, after struggling for quite some time, I seen ismails face wet with fresh tears….
He wasn’t answering me because he was crying…my heart immediately melted..I couldn’t see him crying…ismail is strong and no matter what, he doesn’t ever cry……hardly ever…I think the last time he cried was when we were at the park that day and he confessed everything of the past to me…that was the last time….well actually that was the only time he’s ever really cried..
I didn’t say anything…I just hugged him….and he cried harder…with a whistling sound coming out..he cried like a little baby and wouldn’t stop…
Being a woman, we’re generally soft…and I don’t know about you, but when I see someone crying, it makes me cry….I couldn’t understand what would make ismail so upset….yes he gets angry. Very often…but not upset enough to chunk his heart out…
I reached for a tissue from my pedestal and handed it over to him…
He just laid there…staring at the ceiling for a few minutes hiccuping from all the crying and I didn’t ask him anything for a while, he needed those few minutes to feel comfortable enough to talk it out….
Ismail:”(still staring at the ceiling)….when is it all going to end baby?all the lies?my whole life, I’ve been lied to….my whole life IS a lie….”
I was more confused than anything..
“What do you mean baby?”
Ismail:(looking at me now)”I got a visitor at the garage this morning…a man by the name of imraan….he looked very familiar but I just couldn’t place where I’d seen him before”