Jumu’ah mubarak everyone…I hope everyone in south africa is having a lovely public holiday thus far and an even more awesome jumu’ah….to everyone else in the world aswel……:)))
Rem me and my family in your very special duas on this great and blessed day…
Ismail was returned from his contemplating and smoking outside while I sat stressed out in the waiting area of the casualty section…
I had no idea what was going on or what was going to happen from here on…the worst of thoughts had crossed my mind….
I’d always heard of women bleeding during their pregnancy and I read over the internet the other day that a heavy flow means danger..but I just never expected it to happen to me…
This pregnancy has just been so different from the beginning…I just haven’t been well…and I’m not used to this…I’m not usually a sick person….even a simple flu I’d abit foreign to me..I get sick as often as maybe once a year and that’s it…
And now here I am..in this crucial condition….all I can think about is losing this little one who was going to be a new addition to my ‘home’….this very baby was to be my means of finally achieving happiness..this new angel of ours was bringing ismail and I so much closer…I know I’m just a few weeks pregnant and other women have it worse by pulling right through till the end and then losing their babies…but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle any more….
Ofcourse Allah won’t test me more than I can bear….but my imaan is not strong enough to accept that..I know that for every difficulty comes ease….yet its just so heard to actually have that true conviction in my heart..I’m so weak….I need to be strong…for my own sanity…for my kids…for ismail….its his testing time from Allah and if I’m going to break down and not be strong with my imaan(faith)….then he may also slack and start doubting Allah….
How unfair am I?Allah has wisdom of what we don’t possibly understand…and here am I saying that I can’t handle anymore…..what is wrong with me?I need to understand that even when Allah presents an unsavoury situation before us..he has true wisdom behind it….
Like the story of khidr(A.S)..when he was with moosa(A.S)…he did specific things that moosa(A.S) thought was totally wrong…but only khidr(A.S) knew the wisdom behind what he had done….
For example he broke a piece of the boat….if I were on that boat I wouldve been angry as hell….but khidr(A.S) in his great wisdom that there was a tyrant out confiscating all boats on the sea…and if this boat was slightly damaged..it would be saved from confiscation….
Okay…..(Sigh)….ya Allah…..I accept your decree whole heartedly…you know what is best for me……so I place my trust in you to do as you please….
Ismail:”(talking to the nurse in charge)..okay please take her in and start attending to her…hand me whatever paper work needs to be sorted out in the meantime please…..just get my wife and baby attended to as soon as possible”
Me:”huh?babes?did you phone dada?”
Ismail:”(kissing me on my forehead)…don’t worry love….just go and get yourself seen to….I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done here okay….I’ll explain later…”
I just nodded and hugged ismail in appreciation…
I dragged myself along to where the nurse told me to undress and slip on the hospital gown and lay down on the bed until the doctor arrives….
A very tall, friendly, white lady appeared…..she drew the curtain and started examining me…
“Hi sweety….I’m the doctor on call…..dr jade white is my name….I want you to relax and just answer whatever questions I have okay….?”
She cross questiones My health from the beginning..the infection…the spotting..the medication….
She placed the gel onto my stomach and started an ultrasound….
Dr:”is this your first pregnancy?”
Me:”no…I have twins who are now 6 years old….”
Dr:”hmmm(frowning while looking at the screen) and no children in the last 6 years?no pregnancies or miscarriages?”
Me:”no…I’d been on the pill after my last pregnancy and just left it a while ago….”
Dr:”so you’ve had no IVF treatment before?and you’d already left the pill when you fell pregnant?you weren’t still on the pill?(Perplexed look)”
Me:”no…I had no reason to do IVF(confused)”
Dr:”any history of twins in your family?or your husbands?”
Me:”yes there is abit..I suppose that’s howcome I had the twins hey?(I was getting annoyed)”
Dr stopped scanning….took off her glasses, put her hand on my head and sighed….
Dr:”my dear I’m afraid I’ve got some good news and some very bad news…..”