part 89:

*note*

Jumu’ah mubarak everyone,,,,,may Allah fill your day with happiness and success and may he fulfil all your hearts desires…rem me and my family in your sincere duas….

*****************************************************************************

 

Ismail:”next time I tell you don’t come to my family….just listen! I know what I’m talking about…..!!!”

 

As much as I said I’m not going to take his crap and I’m going to give him a mouthful back…..I just kept quiet…because he was right..it was my stupidity for trying to be good…..but I really thought they’ll see things differently if I visit…..

 

Ismail:”I’ve HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THIS SH**..!WHY CAN’T WE JUST LIVE PEACEFULLY?IS IT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK FOR THAT?”

 

Me:”WHAT THE HELL BABES?SO NOW I’m WRONG FOR TRYING TO REUNITE A BROKEN AND HEARTLESS FAMILY?EVEN WHEN I WANT TO DO GOOD THERE’S A PROBLEM?WHEN WILL ANYTHING I DO EVER BE ENOUGH HUH?YOU THINK I HAVEN’T HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THIS?YOU THINK I’m NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT?I’m DONE WITH HAVING SO MUCH OF PATIENCE WITH EVERYONE..WHEN IS ANYONE GOING TO OPEN THEIR EYES AND REALISE MY VALUE HUH?WHEN WILL YOU EVER REALISE THAT I TRY SO HARD WITH YOUR FAMILY..WHAT HAVEN’T I DONE TO PLEASE THEM?I HAVE NEVER SPOKEN OUT, NO MATTER HOW HURT I’ve BEEN…..BUT TODAY I HAVE HAD ENOUGH…FROM THEM AND FROM YOU…I’m TIRED OF BLADY BEING THE DOOR MAT IN ALL OF THIS….!!!!!”

 

Shew…..I let it all out…and then I burst out crying…the twins came forward and put their arms around me from the back…

 

Riyaad:”mama please don’t cry…mama….please I don’t like it when you cry”(almost sounding like he wanted to cry)

 

ismail was quiet…he didn’t even say anything back…by then we’d reached home….he stopped in the driveway, switched off the car and didn’t get off…

 

Ismail:”kids go inside….mama and I need to talk ok..”

 

They hesitated for a while and looked at me…I just nodded at them…

“Don’t worry sweeties..mamas just a little upset…we’ll be inside now ok…go take your school and madressah work out, I’m coming to help you now”(sniff)

 

I took out a tissue from my handbag and blew my nose..I felt a lot better once I let it all out..I said what was on my chest and I cried out all my emotions that were buliding up…

 

Ismail hugged me to him…

“I’m sorry baby…I was wrong to take it out on you…..”

 

He let go of me but held my hand and kissed it gently…

 

“I do appreciate you..I know how much you try..and you’ve never been disrespectful to me or my family….I was just hurt…why are they the way they are babes?I guess you’re the only one that understands me and will always forgive me..that’s why I took it out on you….and I know…its not right….but am I not also a part of them?”

 

I put my hand on his cheek…

“Let’s just forget about them okay….you can go and visit and I’ll just keep my distance..its better that way…its not my choice, but your mothers,”

 

Ismail:”we were so happy all these days without them…..we can still be happy baby..I’m sorry…please forgive me..”

 

Me:”its okay….(Sniff)..and I’m sorry too….I don’t know what happened to me..I just let loose!…”

 

Ismail:”but nothing you said wasn’t true..its all true..everyones taking advantage of you and I’m no longer allowing it…if they can’t accept you as my wife then they can all go to hell for all I care..I don’t want anything to do with them either..its either we go together as a happy family or we don’t go at all”

 

Me:”you know…a specific hadith that I read up not long ago comes to mind and that’s my consolation…”Nabi (SAW) said:

Allah is kind,He loves kindness,& He gives for kindness what He gives not for harshness 

& what He gives not for anything else”……so we rather be the kind ones than the harsh ones and let Allah deal with everyone according to how he feels best..”

 

Me:”I honestly don’t want to deal with all this stress during my pregnancy…its going to affect my baby drastically…its all affected yaad and diya and I’m not going to allow our new baba to go through the same…they deserve better..they didn’t choose to be in this world…we chose to have kids..now its our duty to make sure they live properly..you think its easy for the kids to keep on seeing everyone belittle their mother?soon they’re also going to lose respect for me…my worst nightmare is that my kids are going to turn against me like everyone else in this world…”

 

Ismail:”that won’t happen ok..(Lifting my chin with his finger and turning my face to face him)…you deserve the most respect for all the sacrifices you’ve made..and for being the greatest pillar holding this family together….”

 

All I could do was give ismail a warm smile through my snotty face….just to let him know that those very words meant the world to me…

 

Ismail:”wait!…..don’t get off the car…I have an idea…”

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13 thoughts on “part 89:

  1. zana says:

    Im so happy faaiza is letting out everything that has been bottling up inside her. And so happy ismail didn’t lash out at her for saying it.
    Jazakallah author for a lovely post this morning

    Oh اَللَّه سُبْحَانَهُ وَتعاليُ ,🍒  As I thank You for the gift of life Today. I also thank You for the gift of wonderful people I have met along my Journey. Some of them inspire me, stretch me, challenge me, love me, care for me and encourage me. All of them helped me realize how meaningful & beautiful life is. Oh اَللَّه سُبْحَانَهُ وَتعاليُ , Bless them all with good health, security, wealth, success, peace and joy. Grant them their duas إنشاءالله. 
    آمـــــــــــــين ير💥ب العالمــــــــــي
    Jumuah mubarak!

  2. sister/in/islam says:

    Sometyms we need to let off some steam !! N den we feel so much better !!!!!! But we mustnt let anger take control of us n say things that we may regret lata ………

    Better she doesn’t go visit – for her own sanity !!!
    They’l regret lata …. She tried maintainin the family ties – now its up2 dem ..
    جَزَاكَ اللهُ خَيْرًا 
 ┉┈┈┈♡♡ -̶̯͡┈̥⌣̊°˚
    جمعــــــــــــــــــــــــة مباركـــــ
    May we all hav a spiritually upliftin day filled wid barkat …..‎​​​آمين

  3. Sister A. says:

    Faaiza’s bottled up too much for too long. Hence, da suden outburst. Saw it cumin sooner or later. We shud always try to b da beter one °̩и our treatment 2wards others. BUT, we shud not allow others 2 tk advantage of us right 2 da xtent of bcumin da doormat. Dat will only lead 1 to depression & 1 can also hav a nervous breakdwn. Happy dat Ismail’s realised da tru value of his wife. May dis marriage grow frm strength 2 strength. ​آمِيْن. JUMA MUBARAK 2 ӑℓℓ! Request ur special duas on dis Mubarak Đά̲ƴ.

  4. Jummah Mubarak to all. Faaiza has bottled up too much and shes only human after all. I would love to know what Ismail said to his family for 20 minutes while Faaiza sat in the car.

  5. Sister A. says:

    The Benefits of reciting Durood :
    Sending durood to our Nabi sallallaahu alayhi wasallam increases love for Nabi sallallaahu alayhi wasallam in our hearts.

    The daily recitation of Durood Shareef has a tremendous effect on the human head, heart, mind & person. It purifies thoughts & intensifies actions. It makes passages for perfect peace & personal satisfaction, try to read minimum 1000 durood of ur choice, d shortest n simplest is صلّى اللّـه عليه و سلّم

  6. yumz says:

    im so glad Ismail didit get all hyper and go back to his old ways again. it seems like his finally realising his wifes true worth. i wonder what Fays idea is???great post

  7. FATZ says:

    Ameen to all da duas. I’m so gald faaiza cud speak up 4 1nc. Cus we women tend 2 blttle up n den we get trampled on . Least issi is letting her b n giving her da L♥√ع she needs now. I’m so happy 4 da 2 of dem .

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