part 81:

*note*

welcome to all the readers in ireland and qatar…

*****************************************************************************

 

As I fell asleep that night, after reading much of my durood, I dreamt about yet another past event that had occurred just 3 months ago…..

 

ismail had left me for the weekend and was gone out with some friends…..i was sad and really lonely..but luckily I had my kids….

 

They begged to sleep with me since ismail wasn’t around and due to the loneliness I was experiencing I agreed…

 

I wasn’t used to my kids sleeping with me because from the time that they’re born I gave them the habit of sleeping on their own….for the first year they slept in their cot in my room and from the age of 1 they were placed in their own room which had an interleading door to mine

 

I tucked the kids into my bed and when I thought they were fast asleep, I tossed and turned feeling restless that my hubby wasn’t next to me..

 

I started thinking about how sad my life actually was…that there was no-one really that cared or loved me deeply enough….

 

I didn’t have parents of my own who could shower me with love and affection..who I could go to on weekends like these when ismail is out with his friends…

 

I didn’t have siblings to keep me entertained or phone me all the time and keep me company..

 

I didn’t even have a husband that loved me enough,…infact, the way he treats me makes me sometimes think that he hates me..that I’m just here to slave for him and his family…I’m just here to fulfil his needs and wants and desires…

 

My kids are too small to understand anything…and they totally adore their father…what if they also grow up hating me as much as the people around me do?what if ismail and his family turn my own kids against me….

 

Just the thought of it all made me so scared…I just needed a little bit of extra love and attention..I just needed someone to hold me tight and tell me that everything was going to be ok..to reassure me that Allah loves me dearly and will never leave my side…

 

I was sobbing to myself….riyaad and raadiya were not sleeping..they both opened their eyes and sat up….

 

Riyaad:”mama?are you okay?”

 

Raadiya:”why are you crying?”

 

Instead of stopping to wipe my tears and act like I wasn’t crying, I hugged them both at the same time and cried even harder…

 

The twins just stayed in my arms until I controlled myself abit…

 

Me:”I’m sorry babies…I just love you guys too much and I’m so thankful to Allah for bringing you into my lives…”

 

Raadiya:”so why must you cry mama?”

 

Me:”I don’t know..its silly hey…(Forcing a smile out)”

 

Riyaad:”did daddy hurt you again mama?is that why he’s gone?and is that why you’re crying?”

 

Me:”no no sweety…daddy didn’t hurt me…what makes you think that he did?”

 

Raadiya:”because he always does mama…and we don’t like it…I get scared when he comes towards you when his angry”

 

Riyaad:”I love daddy a lot..but I don’t like it when he hits you…but I’m scared to tell daddy to stop..I’m scared that he’ll hit us also…”

 

Me:”noo…daddy will never hit you ok…I won’t let him…ever!”

 

They both nodded and just kept silent for a while looking down….

 

 

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35 thoughts on “part 81:

  1. sister/in/islam says:

    Welcome bak dear author !! Missed u n ur posts !!
    It shows that kids r very observant – evn wen we think that dey r pre-occupied wid other things ……and it affects them also – @least now they don’t need 2 worry , ‎​​الحمد لله …..
    its not a nice feeling , wen u think no1 loves u – no matter wat u do for dem —– now Ismail is covering up for all that tym …

    جَزَاكَ اللهُ خَيْرًا 
 ┉┈┈┈♡♡ -̶̯͡┈̥⌣̊°˚

    • Its true..things are changing for the better which is really good…

      Jx…..missed the blog too..even though I was still checking…

      Blue monday today…..lol…I’m not a fan of mondays…

      • sister/in/islam says:

        Wen Mondays appear !! Our consolation as Muslims – our Beloved Nabi صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ was born on a Monday !! Its just the kuffaar that make us feel and think its ‘ blue monday ‘ !!
        Be positive our dearest author !!! No day will b blue ‎​إنشاءالله for u !!
        Lots of love n hugs …. ♥̨ ♥̨ ♥̨

      • Jx for always commenting and lifting my spirits….to me mondays are only ‘blue’ because my weekends are so hectic and I end up feeling lazy and sleepy on a monday..lol…but you’re right…mondays should be awesome because our beloved was born on this great day

  2. Great post….Children are so perceptive that we sometimes do things not realising how it affects them……Shukar alhum Ismail is changing for a better human being and the kids I am sure are sensing and seeing the changes of happiness and love between their parents.

  3. mariam says:

    slmz i just wana say how much im loving this blog finally a blog of a married women been waiting loooonggg 4 this it really is a wonderful blog keep it up

    just love the twins thy 222222 cute

  4. Binte Ahmed says:

    Awww shame,poor twins..it affects them emotionally when parents hav issues..i once read that parents shouldnt fight infront of newborns as well,as the negativ vibes affect them as well..imagine! Well,inshaAllah it will b smooth sailing from now on,n theyl grow up in a happy hsehold 🙂
    Missed ur post yesterday author..glad ur back!!!

  5. Sister A. says:

    It’s sad wenevr Faaiza recalls her past dificulties. She relives ӑℓℓ da emotionss again. She shud also start her councilin soon so dat it’s easier 4 her 2 put her past bhind her & continue lyf on a positiv note. It’s not gud 4 her 2 keep goin through dose emotions while she’s pregnant. Da negativity ωɪℓℓ affect her unborn baby. Children definnately get affectd by wat goes on °̩и der homes. Jazks 4 anoder gud post.

    • Its very true…even though ppl say its crap..what a woman goes thru during her pregnancy and even when the child is still and infant affects them in many different ways..

    • I’m going to run out of ideas if I post too many in a day…..just one for now….and the days I reach certain goals 2…and when binte ahmed reaches 50 comments then 5…

  6. proudly muslimah says:

    sad,,,,,,2 think twinys innocent minds r being disturbed by ismails rotten behaviour……….hp fay xplains 2 dem dat their daddy got a problem n u cant act lyk a maniac when u angry/// it shoukdn b dat dey grow up with ismails mentality !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    remynds me of my dads fav story…as a kid he hit his lil sisy,my grandad punished him severely-this thaught him such a lesson dat until 2da my dad can neva screeeeeeam at a woman lett alone lift a finger on one!!!!!!!!!! ak dats my story 4 now,,,,,,,,,,…

    • Ppl think punishing your kids is abuse…but I feel occasionally they need a good spanking to know that certain things should never be repeated…if your grandfather didn’t teach your father the respect for other ppl, he could have turned out very much different to what he is today….alhamdulillah your grandfather stopped it long before :))

  7. a95r says:

    Children are very sensitive. It must be so hard for them to see their mother being abused- and by their own father! It will have an effect on them for the rest of their lives, but the question is, will they be strong enough to take lesson from it? Or will they let it effect them in a bad way? Will they understand that it is wrong or will riyaad grow up thinking that that is the way to treat your wife? Will raadiyah live in fear of marriage, not able to take that step, to trust a man not to do to her what her father did to her mother? Often we don’t realise, we might think they children, they too small, but it effects them even if they don’t show it. And children see things very differently.

    • Absolutely love your comment as usual….I guess if children have atleast one parent strong enough to teach them and explain to them how wrong it is they will grow up knowing that its wrong..but in most cases the daughters get affected badly…always having the thought that they will go through the same

  8. a95r says:

    Children are very sensitive. It must be so hard for them to see their mother being abused- and by their own father! It will have an effect on them for the rest of their lives, but the question is, will they be strong enough to take lesson from it? Or will they let it effect them in a bad way? Will they understand that it is wrong or will riyaad grow up thinking that that is the way to treat your wife? Will raadiyah live in fear of marriage, not able to take that step, to trust a man not to do to her what her father did to her mother? Often we don’t realise, we might think they children, they too small, but it effects them even if they don’t show it. And children see things very differently

  9. Binte Ahmed says:

    Five!!! *excited!!!*
    This may be the last 5 posts a day we gettin so might as well make the most of it 😛
    Jzk khair author!!! Uhibbuki fillah!!! *hugs*

  10. Naeema says:

    I started reading this blog on Friday, and I finished last night, all I can say WOW!!! U are an amazingly talented writer. I am amazed at the fact that u posted 5 a day sometimes, u must’ve suffered severe brain drain afterwards. The story line is so real and captivating, I can relate to most of the parts, and some parts brought tears to my eyes, wishing that all husbands could be so sweet and caring :-(. Please don’t tell me I have to wait 7 years lol… all in all, this is great work

    • Lol..I deff di suffer from brain drain..lol…
      Jx sooo much for the touching comment..I was so touched by your comment that I just had to read it out to my hubby… 🙂

  11. Fatima.R says:

    Slmz ,stumbled on dis blog dis mornin n cudn put it down. Such a captivating story and so real. Eagerly awaiting the post إن شاء الله آمين . Jzkla to d author for taking time out of ur life to grace us with ur excellent writing.

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