part 51:

*note*

So my lovely sisters…here’s our final post for today…enjoy…..and make special dua for me and my family on this auspicious day of jumu’ah…jumu’ah mubarak to every person reading this blog….

 

Zana…this is your final dedication…

 

A few new pages have been uploaded on this blog..check them out..and they will be updated shortly inshalah…

 

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We had breakfast and I got a few things ready as ismail requested I prepare a little picnic basket for the 2 of us….

 

I fried a few savouries and made some quick sandwiches..loaded a few snacks and munchies into a basket and had everything ready…I rushed upstairs to shower and get dressed…

 

It was exactly 12:30 when I was finally ready…so I decided to perfom my zuhr salaah before we left….I asked ismail if he’ll be joining me for salaah to which he reply in the affirmative alhamdulillah…I begged him to make imaamat so that the 2 of us could read in jamaat but he refused…he was acting all shy about it..so we continued and read our salaah…

 

I noticed that ismail only read his 4 fard..but I didn’t want to say anything..atleast it was a start..inshallah he’ll get the hang of it and start performing his full salaah…there’s so much of reward in that..imagine my own palace in jannah.?…ooooh I can’t wait to get there…inshalah….but that’s if I’m even worthy of going to jannah…a person can hope and pray though…

 

I didn’t want to push ismail and make a fuss of just his fardh as that might just discourage him from performing his salaah on a whole…

 

We left dadis house shortly after I’d performed my salaah and ismail drove to victory park…

 

It was a week day so the park was relatively quiet..we chose a shady little spot under a large tree near the kids play area and laid out our blanky…

 

It was quite a lovely day though and there were just a few people walking their dogs a 1 or 2 odd ladies watching their kids playing on the jungle gym…I already missed my kids..I’m so used to them always being with me….

 

Me:”we shouldve brought the kids with..they wouldve really enjoyed this whole play area….”

 

Ismail sat leaning against a tree with his legs stretched out, he pulled me to sit inbetween his legs and held me around my waist…

 

I felt so awkward..yes I know he’s my husband and it was all halaal but I’m not used to all this affection in public…we’ve never been like this before….

 

I breathed in and decided to rather just enjoy every moment rather than stressing about what did and did not feel normal…I needed to accept that things were changing…

 

Ismail:”I’m glad we didn’t bring them…don’t get me wrong…but todays just about you and me my love…”

 

He held me closer to him and kissed me in my ear…a shiver ran down me..I was always so sensitive on my ears and he knew that….

 

Ismail:”I love you(he whispered)”

 

Me:”I love you too…you’ve been so good to me….umm..lately…please don’t change…I’m really very happy for the first time in my life..”

 

Did I just manage to say that?oh no!I hope he doesn’t flip…

 

Ismail:”well that’s why I wanted this day..you said we needed to start afresh…and the only way to do that is by starting from the beginning..there’s a lot that I need to come clear about with u fay…a lot that you don’t know…”

 

I turned to face him and held his face in my hands…

 

Me:”baby I don’t care about the past..the past is over..now we need to worry about the future…our future…a happy future…together as one big happy family…”

 

Ismail:”you don’t understand baby…I need…..(And he sighed heavily and stopped)…”

 

Me:”what baby?what do you need?”

 

Ismail:”(taking my hands off his face and holding it in his hands)..I need help…”

 

Me:”help?with what?(I was confused)..if you’re worried about the fillig station…don’t!dada said he’ll send you for a few courses..and that will help you a lot..”

 

Trust me to be so daft…

 

Ismail:(laughing lightly and then kissing me on my lips)…no baby…its more serious than that..I really need help…professional help…”

 

I was stunned to silence..who was this man with a heart that has emotion and feeling suddenly?and what has he done with the heartless ismail?frankly I don’t care..I’m just glad..whatever he’s done with him..

 

Me:”what do you mean baby?what for?”

 

Ismail began telling me about his childhood…I noticed how his voice changed throughout whatever he told me from fear to anger to hatred to one of total loss..and defeat…

 

Me:”I’m married to you for 6 almost 7 years and you’ve never mentioned this to me before….even before we got married love…we were together for 2 years before we got married….I opened up to you about my entire life…why didn’t you tell me?(Concerned voice)…I could have been there for you all these years..you didn’t have to suffer all that in silence….”

 

For the first time since I’ve known ismail I seen him tear and then the tears turned to heavy sobs..he cried into me like a little baby when he desperately needs some comfort…

 

I held him for as long as I could…I didn’t utter a word…I allowed him to do what always made me feel better…crying…..

 

Ismail:”I’m a coward fay…I’m a loser and I’ve failed badly in every possible way…and if I don’t get help at this point in my life I’m going to lose the only good thing that I have left…I’m going to lose you and my kids……”

 

Me:”no you’re not a loser…you’re not a coward…I totally admire you for admitting to your wrong…I admire you for wanting to change..this is Allah that had done this for you..he’s chosen you from the millions there are in the world and decided to give you hidayah….He loves you baby…and I love you…you will never lose me….if I ever wanted to leave…I had many opportunities in the past..I couldve left..but I didn’t..because I’ve never loved anyone in my life the way I love you….throughout our time together..the only thing that kept me going was hope…and that’s what’s going to keep you going..because hope is what every believer needs to hold on to…even when we were divorced and you gave me all those conditions..I couldve left..but my love for you was so strong..I could never just give up on you..and today..just having your arms around me makes me feel sooo glad that I had hope then…and that I chose to hold on to this marriage…”

 

Ismail had a genuine smile on his face and he hugged me so tight….

 

Ismail:”I’m sorry…for making it so hard on you…for all those stupid conditions I put on you..what was I thinking?it was so unfair…..”

 

Me:”I told you..its all in the past..forgiven and forgotten…(Pause)…except for one thing I’d just like to calrify while we are on the topic…..but I want the whole truth and nothing else…..”

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24 thoughts on “part 51:

  1. Faati says:

    Awww sooo cute n romantic..
    YAY Finally he has opened up to fai
    Omw for almost 7yrs he never told her…*shocked*
    Shukar he has finally asked for professional help*super excited*

    Ooh i Wonder what she wants to know??
    SUSPENSE!!!!

  2. a95r says:

    She’s going to ask about the ‘somebody’.
    Can’t wait for the answer. Hope his story isn’t too bad, she went through so much already.
    He’s reading his fardh, الحمد لله its the first step.

  3. Sister A. says:

    جُمُعَةُ مُبَارَك ❤
    2 ӑℓℓ Ʋ luvly sisters out there! Ƥℓεāsε remember мε °̩и ӑℓℓ ur pious دُعاء.
    ​آمِيْن. 2 ӑℓℓ da duaas °̩и da last post.

  4. sister/in/islam says:

    Awww , this is such a romantic post !! ♥̨ ♥̨ ♥̨

    He got the courage to finally open up 2 her !! N she’s always so mature in her thinking n advises well also – the saying “Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.” Is sooo apt for her….. She’s reaping the fruits of her patience n perserverance

    Now I can hav a GOOD nights sleep !!!!!
    جزاك اللهُ خيراً

  5. zana says:

    Jazakallah for all the posts.😚
    Im so happy ismail has opened up to faaiza about his past as least she now knows why he behaved the way he did
    I only hope he doesn’t break her heart with farzana story.
    Inshaa-Allah with the new environment they living in ismail is going to change for the better no more negativity.
    Have a lovely day sister’s
    جمعة مباركة

  6. Binte Ahmed says:

    Awww alhamdulillah he finally opened up to her..they can start afresh now..now the zana story wil come up lol..jzk authoress for listenin to our ideas! 🙂

  7. Sister A. says:

    ∕̴Ɩ reminder to increase Durood on this noble day. The shortest durood is sallallaahu alayhi wasallam.
    Translation: “Peace & blessings be upon him (Prophet Muhammed Sallallaahu Alaihi wa Sallam)”

    Every time we read one durood. اللَّهُ Subhana Ta’ala Creates a special angel to carry our Durood to Nabi sallallaahu alayhi wasallam.

    Almighty اللَّهُ sends ten mercies upon a person who recites Durood once.
    Have a Blessed JUMMUA!

  8. rooksana says:

    When u love u get hurt. When u get hurt u hate. When u hate u try 2 forget. When u try 2 forget u start missing. And wen u start missing…… You eventually fall in love again!!! Fay is in da position

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