part 47:

*note*

This post is dedicated to ‘zana’ who’s reached 50 comments….!enjoy everyone!post 1 of 5 for today…

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Dada was really quiet that day..almost as if though he was contemplating a lot about something serious..I was worried…and stressed out…

 

I stayed upstairs in my room most of the time…I didn’t know if I wanted to know what dada had to say or not…

 

I could hear dada and dadi talking downstairs for a while but I just blocked my mind out and decided not to care…

 

I was laying on my bed staring at the curtain when a little while later both dada and dadi knocked on my open room door…

 

Dada:”beti?can we come in?”

 

I turned around carefully as my extra large tummy made it abit hard to turn around any faster..and I struggled to sit upright. Dadi helped me and they both sat down on the bed with me…dadi next to me holding my handing and patting it gently and dada infront of me looking quite perturbed…

 

Dada:”beti…I want you to remember that Allah only tests the ones whom He loves..and everybody goes through some kind of different trial…but we have to be strong…and its part of being a muslim to believe in taqdeer…everything that happens in our life happens for a reason known only to Allah ta’aalah…no matter what happens we can’t question Him…”

 

I nodded…wondering if dada was just trying to console me for all that’s happened already realizing what a toll its taken on my emotional well-being…but then he continued…

 

Dada:”I don’t know how to say this..and…(Pause)..I didn’t want to be the one to ever break this terrible news to you my child..(Lowering his head into his hands and then uncovering his face still holding onto his fully white sunnah beard)..your…ismails mummy called earlier…she..err..ismail wants a..d..d..talaaq”

 

I felt numb…I felt…totally numb….I blacked out…well not exactly..I was still sitting up but everything around me felt like it was spinning and extra bright..my stomach started turning inside…my tongue was tied..I was expressionless….until…it started..the tears once again..I was an emotional person…I cry a lot….but that’s my way of letting go…

 

I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with crying…every person should be allowed to cry whenever they felt like….for as long as they felt like…

 

And I did that..I cried…without a word…..for really long….dadi hugged me…and cried with me this time….when she pulled away from me I could see that dada had shed a tear too but wiped it away before I’d seen….

 

And then all these questions started rushing through my head….

 

Why?why did he divorce me?what have I done?what about my unborn twins?what about me?I should never have gotten angry about him coming late….he wouldve eaten and forgotten everything…I shouldve forced him to eat…or taken food up for him…he wouldve softened up towards me…I shouldve been a better wife…I shouldve hugged him before I slept..I shouldn’t have made such a big deal about him scratching me..I shouldve just forgotten about it and let it be…he was sleeping..it wasn’t his fault…he didn’t know what he was doing in his sleep…maybe I am crazy like he says…maybe I do need help..why is everything in my life such a mess-up?

 

I had to begin my iddat that means..I would have to sit in the house everyday until I give birth.how was I supposed to go for check-ups? How was I supposed to buy things for my babies?

 

Since I was kicked out that night, I came with nothing but a cloak…dadi and dada went the next day to buy me a whole lot of clothes,pj’s, shoes and everything…

 

Now they’d have to buy everything for my babies also…support me and my 2 kids…

 

I just don’t know how much more of all of this I could take…I wanted it to be over..but I also wanted answers..I wanted to know from ismail what he felt..how he could just end our marriage like that…how could he let go of me just like that knowing that I’m carry 2 of His babies….

 

I needed to know why?was there another woman in his life?was I not good enough?did I not satisfy him?or please him in any way?

 

And so I decided to give him a call once and for all……

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18 thoughts on “part 47:

  1. One someone is oppressed or physically, emotionally abused sometimes the victim feels its their fault just like how Faaiza is questioning herself and blaming herself. This in reality is such a sad truth. My heart bleeds for all the women who in reality go through this abuse daily. Only Allah Ta’aala can ease their sorrow and pain. Very emotional post.

    • In no way should any woman who’s abused ever feel like its their fault…its not their fault..they should be strong and stand up for their honour and make it clear that they tried their very best always

  2. Sister A. says:

    Faaiza’s an emotional wreck after ӑℓℓ she’s been through . Now she’s blaming herself. Typical bhaviour of a victim of abuse. Veeery SAD 😦

    • Everyone should realize that’s its okay to break down at times..there’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling down and depressed as long as they pick themselves up again and move on after a while

  3. sister/in/islam says:

    Truely emotional n heart breaking !! How I wish I cudhv comforted her … But Ismail deprived her of friends so she had no1 other than her g/parents …
    And naturally she wud feel its her fault – cos he physically, mentally and verbally abused her – so now she blames herself – *sobbing*

    Btw our beloved Author !! Off course we r greedy !! ☺☺
    Its like we r starving n ur daily posts r our sustenance to keep us going – the mor posts , the mor nourishment we r getting !
    NOW — u can’t let us go hungry and mal-nourished .. U R TOooooOoooo KIND
    *wink*
    *hugs*
    جزاك اللهُ خيراً

  4. zana says:

    Jazakallah author for the post dedicated to me.
    May allah make it easy for all the women who go thru similar events in their lives and blame themselves for everything.
    Ismail mother is really something

  5. rooksana says:

    Shame my heart bleeds 4 her. I cnnt see ppl in pain sadness sorrow. I’m a person dat feels sori 4eve one. Allah mk it easy everybody dats doin thru da same thg

  6. Faati says:

    Soooo sad…
    I wonder if the damn evil mil-murder in law forced da issue on her son…
    Its soooo sad, n so common in our society, i jus feel sorry for the poor kids dats affected,coz they becum so confused and lost..
    May allah make it easy for all dats goin thru any difficulty, and allah grant us muhabat with our in laws…

  7. Faati says:

    Yay 5 posts today…
    Thanks zana n our beloved author #hug#
    U r so kind,loving and caring…
    U always interact with us, and inform us as to when u wil be posting…simply luv ur blog

    • Jx sooo sooo much…I love interacting with u guys…it really makes it easier to deal with everyday stress..just knowing that I can take time out to bond with my beloved readers:)

  8. Binte Ahmed says:

    Shame poor faaiza,blamin herself instead of her monster hubby..may Allah make it easy for all the victims of abuse,life must b so hard for them..n they dnt hav anywhere to go,wich makes their hubbies take more advantage..
    Lol @ author,not all mils r monster inlaws,my mil is very kind n understandin alhamdulillah,n in the place I live,daughters inlaw seem to b gettin the upper hand over their mils lol..n the sons take their wives sides mostly..we need a good balance on both sides,to live with muhabbah n unity..

    • Yip I know..shukr my MIL is also not bad…she doesn’t interfer in our lives..we live our own life..I don’t complain about her to my hubby and she doesn’t complain about me to him either..in that way there’s a balance…

      Most young girls nowadays have no respect for their elders and that can be a major problem in their house hold

  9. Binte Ahmed says:

    Yea so true..both sides hav to respect one another,faaiza’s mil sounds like a proper monster,just takin advantage coz her son listens to her..

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