part 43:

*NOTE*

Post 4 of 5….one more to go people…..:)

 

So as promised we ended up leaving immediately after tea….

 

The road home was tense and I couldn’t help but cry the entire way home…

 

How did this man who was so caring and loving before marriage turn out to be so horrid?was this some kind of a punishment to me by Allah for doing things the haraam way?for dating him and being in contact with him for 2 years before actually getting married…

 

This just proves that you only get to know someone once you live with them….

 

There’s just no barakah in dating I thought..I regretted my past actions…I regretted doing things the wrong way…I regretted marrying this beast…I wish I’d married someone better..someone with more deen…

 

I wish my dad was here…to give me advice..to help me in my marriage..to tell me how to deal with this kind of behaviour…

 

I wish my mummy was here…to talk to…as my best friend and tell her what I was going through..I felt alone and sad..I felt like a loser..like I’d failed in everything…like ismail owned me…like I had no choices or rights in my life…

 

Well atleast things seem to be changing abit..alhamdulillah with the help of Allah….

 

Me:”dadi and dada, you get some sleep now, its been a long day for us aswel, we should probably also hit the sack….(Hugging each one of them)….see you in the morning….love you!”

 

We got to our room, changed into my pj’s and jumped into bed….ismail was so loving to me and after so long I actually felt pleasure in getting intimate with him….

 

Not long after, ismail was fast asleep….snoring away!I tossed and turned for a while, but just couldn’t fall asleep….I guess I got so comfortable in my own room, my own bed….now I’d have to get used to a different bed…a different atmosphere all over again….except I didn’t mind this time..it would be for the best though inshallah….

 

The last time I’d been to stay over at dadi’s house was when I was expecting the twins…but that was another horrid experience…I didn’t choose to stay here..I was forced to…thrown out of my house….

 

Just thinking about it gave me shivers….oh no!I didn’t want to have another nightmare again….

 

Why were all these past memories haunting me so badly…I couldn’t take it anymore….I needed to think of happy things, happy moments, happy memories….

 

Unfortunately there weren’t many happy memories in the past 7 years…the more I tried thinking of happy memories, the more my past haunted me and all the bad memories would flow through….

 

Now instead of being happy that I was lying in bed next to the man I love on our way to a happier future, all I could think of was the last time I’d been in this house…without the man I love…kicked out by the man I love….

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20 thoughts on “part 43:

  1. a95r says:

    Ironic, isn’t it? She spent 7 years hoping and now when things are looking better, she can’t help but look back. I know its hard, but she needs to forgive him for the past and pray for the future.
    Hope, a hard thing to have when you have suffered emotionally. But its also what makes you carry on, live through the next day.
    The more you love a person, the greater the pain if he hurts you… And yet the more you love, the sweeter the good times.
    Being ungrateful, one of the traits of a woman, one of the things that Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم warned us, women in particular, against.
    May Allah save us آمين.

    • Ameen..may Allah make us all grateful servants…

      When a person suffers a great deal..its not like they don’t want to forget and move on but rather its damaged their inner emotions…

      The only way to deal with it is to talk it out and get professional help and advice and ofcourse the best solution is Allah…

  2. sister/in/islam says:

    So very true a95r !!!
    May اللَّهُ save us all from ungratefulness – ‎​​​آمين

    The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.
    Ismail was always a coward – givin in to what ppl used 2 say abt Faaiza – n now he realised the truth n is couragus enuf to stand up for what is RITE !! Hopefully this is the turning point in his life !! Really happy that he’s performing his salaah – good influence of Dada – ‎​​الحمد لله —- may they all go from strenght to strenght , get closer to اللَّهُ and hav lots of muhabbat in the family – ‎​​​آمين جزاك اللهُ خيراً

    • Evryone should take a lesson of courage from ismail…forget the norm…forget what people will say…forget the past and how much damage you’ve caused…have courage and start fresh….its possible

  3. Sister A. says:

    Faaiza is a strong & positive person. She’ll pull through dis . Ismail does regret treating her badly & did say he wants 2 mk up 4 it. He’s started changing 4 da better (performing Salaah). Change ωɪℓℓ tk place gradually & not overnyt. She needs 2 4giv him & dey must move 4ward 2gether °̩и lyf.

  4. zana says:

    So very true a95r
    Sometimes allah makes you remember what you went thru do that you remember yo always remember alkah in good times and bad.
    Faaiza is such a lovely person she loves her ismail Inshaa-Allah she will forgive him.

  5. Ashura Aboo says:

    Salaam i am a revert i married a memon boy totally unlike Ismail but i just wanted to say Jzk after reading this my Imaan has never been so strong. U hav used a few islamic phrases n words which I do not know or understand can u possibly put up a glossary or am i been silly. Really jzk u hv lifted my Imaan with this blog

    • Allahu akbar!!!this is the best comment I have received thus far….this has lifted my spirit and motivated me to continue…this blog is for u guys so ofcourse I will put up a glossary..inshallah will work on it and put up a complete glossary page dedicated to you….jx jx jx once again….feel free to comment at anytym…..may Allah accept from me my useless efforts..ameen!

  6. sister/in/islam says:

    @ Ashura Aboo !! ‎​​ما شاء الله
    Such wonderful news – may اللَّهُ always keep u in his mercy and grant u the best of this world and the hereafta – ameen
    Even for us born muslims its a wake up call , a revision and a learning – جزاك اللهُ خيراً to U our beloved Author !!

    • No ways…..post 5 of 5 shall be out later tonight inshalah…once I and everyone around me is settled inshalah..but I keep to my promises…so don’t stress..youl get post 5 before midnight tonight inshalah…

  7. umme says:

    جزاك اللهُ خيراً. Once again. No matter how hard you try to forget the past ,it still comes and haunts you. May Allah make it easy for all those that are going through difficulties in their marriage and give love. Ameen to all the duas in the comments.

  8. Al says:

    Slm. Just seeing that your blog stats heading for 20 000! So just wondering, nay HOPING that once u hit the 20K mark that we’ll be favoured with another 5 bonus posts…pwetty please…

    • Lol..really attentive I see..let’s see..if I hit 20 000 before midnight, youl get another post tonight..otherwise tomorrow 2 posts inshalah…getting quite greedy now!lol…but 5 is only if anyones comments tally to 50.lol

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