Me:”PLEASE..PLEASE…STOP!!!YOU HURTING ME(crying profusely)”
Ismail:”baby…baby…baby..wake up!what’s wrong?baby?are you okay?”
Me:”huh..err..(Trying to breathe)”
Ismail hands me a tissue…
Ismail:”baby?are you okay?you wet and you’re crying so much in your sleep and screaming…”
I sat up and realized that I was dreaming….but it felt so real….I grabbed ismail and held onto him so tightly..and cried into his chest…
Ismail:”its okay my love..it was just a dream…(Stroking my hair and then rubbing my back gently)…”
Ismail reached onto my side table and got my water bottle while still holding onto me tightly…
ismail:(letting me go slightly)”here babes!take a sip of water!”
He waited for me to calm down abit..
Me:”it was such a nightmare…it was so bad!I was so scared…”
Ismail:”about what?what were you dreaming about baby?”
I wasn’t sure if I should tell him..would he believe me?would he think I’m crazy….before I could say anything..
Ismail:”come on babes…talk to me..you’ll feel better”
Me:”I…(My throat caught abit, I coughed and cleared my throat)..I was dreaming of…(Looking down and fidgeting with the duvet)…our honeymoon…umm..about…when you got angry with me about wanting to see your phone..it was so scary.it was like it was happening all over again…I was so scared..I was so scared(burst out crying again)”
Surprisingly ismail pulled me to him again and held me tight…
Ismail:”shhhh baby! Don’t cry….its all in the past ok..”
I could hear regret and sadness in his voice…
Ismail:”I’m sorry baby for all the hurt I’ve caused you all these years..I’m sorry.I’m really sorry…I was a coward..I was heartless..and there’s just no justification..but I’m really sorry and I’m going to change and I’m never going to lift my hand up on you ever again..I promise..I’m going to make it up to you..”
Those were the most comforting words any abused woman could ever hear..and plus the words were not empty…they were sincere..I could feel it…
Me:”its ok..I’m sorry for waking you up lovey…I need to go the toilet.you can go back to sleep…I love you(hugging him)”
Ismail:”I love you with all my heart and more…you sure you’ll be okay?I’ll wait up for you then we can both go back to sleep together..”
I turned to look at my clock and realised that its 2 in the morning..
Me:”no don’t worry love..I’m going to be a while..I just realised I forgot to read istikhaara last night..I want to read first and then I’ll come to sleep..”
I took the opportunity to sit on the musallah and cry my heart out to Allah..its not very often that I have the opportunity of being awake tahajjud time…a time when the servant is closest to Allah…all veils are lifted and Allah declares that we should ask of him for whatever our hearts desire…a time where duas are guaranteed acceptance…
How silly are we..that usually when we hear of a sale at one of our favourite stores…we make sure not to miss it and take full advantage of the opportunity..but here there’s a sale every single night from the treasures of jannah and yet we’re totally oblivious and too lazy to grab whatever Allah has to offer..
I’m totally guilty of this…there’s no excuse…I’m just lazy..if I want to look for excuses, I’m sure I can come up with a million different reasons which are totally not good enough…
I went back to sleep after performing istikhaara salaah and fell into a deep sleep…my eyes reopened at fajr time and I was in such a good mood….
Stay tuned for another post some time today inshalah…because I’ve reached 100 followers…yipppeeee!!jx to everyone for the amazing support…..