Jumuah mubarak to all you wonderful people out there..may you all have an extremely spiritually uplifting day…rem to send as much durood as possible to our beloved nabi(s.a.w) and rem me and my family in your special duas….:))
I was feeling so upset…what in the world is wrong with ismail…..?!
Once we left dadis house we drove to the park to discuss what we’re going to do….
Me:”why not?this is the greatest opportunity…can’t you see that Allah is finally putting the pieces of our life back into place?”
Ismail:”fay I’m sorry! But as good as it sounds I don’t think its a very good idea….”
Me:”but why? Why do you think its not a good idea?”
Ismail:”what if…..agh forget it!you won’t understand!”
Me:”what baby?what won’t I understand?make me understand..!didn’t we say that we’re going to open up to eachother?talk to me!”
Ismail:”(swinging his door open and lighting a cigarette)what if oneday they throw it in my face?that I’m such a useless husband and father?that I can’t even support my family…that..that I accepted handouts and lived off YOUR inheritance…people are going to talk….”
Me:(taking his hand in mine)”babes…we don’t live for people..people are not there right now to help you are they?..when you’re stranded here…why should we care about people?..my grandparents will never throw anything in your face…in all the years that I’ve known them, they have never done that…they give and forget…and besides..its not a handout…its my right..its what’s mine….look!I’m not forcing you k…in the end whatever decision you make, I’ll stick by you and pray that Allah puts goodness in it for us….I’m going to read istikhaara namaaz tonight and tomorrow we can decide…for the time being read “allahumma khirli wakh tarli” all the time…”
Ismail:”what dua is that?”
Me:”its an istikhaara dua that can be recited anytime…its asking Allah to choose for us and to choose the best for us….I heard mufti saheb saying on the radio the other day that by reading this dua..whatever decision you make after that,Allah will put goodness in it”
Ismail:”what if I fail at the business?”
Me:”why do you always think so negatively?..why do you have so little hope in yourself lovey?you’re not a failure..you’ve never failed in anything in your life..look at you, at what an amazing man you are…you do your best in everything…I have faith in you….so have faith in yourself…”
Ismail pulled me to him and hugged me so tight….
Ismail:”I love you so much…do you know that?you’re evrything to me and I’m sorry…for….everything that I’ve put you through..I’m sorry baby…I’m going to make it upto you and give you everything…you’ve given me everything and been so patient all these years…I love you!”
Oh gosh….here I am feeling all emotional again…..this pregnancys really making me like a little baby…be strong fay..and no more crying…
Me:”I love you too….come on!stop being such a sulky…let’s join the kids over there and cool our minDs off for a while….”
Ismail kissed me on my cheek and smiled…