I finished my salaah n quietly folded up my musallah. The children were giggling amongst themselves, I gave them big eyes and put my finger on my lips gesturing for them to be quiet so I could hear what ismail was saying on the phone…
All I could hear was:”I’ve had enough of all this. For 7 years I listened to all of you…(Silent)….what? This has nothing to do with her or anyone for that matter. This has to do with me and mummy…(Silent)…you know what, I don’t want to hear it..just save it!”
Ismail cut the call and walked angrily to the car. He opened the car door furiously and banged it close. I sat in gently and asked:
“What was that all about? Is everything ok baby?”
Ismail:(coldly)”NOTHING!JUST LEAVE IT!!”
I knew it was too good to be true..sigh…I just kept quiet while ismail drove back home and didn’t ask him anything else…I seen ismail puffing madly at his cigarette and throwing it out when it was done…I didn’t dare to look at him for fear that he might attack me again..so I turned and looked at the beautiful scenery from my window instead…
Ismail put his hand on my thigh and said:
“I’m sorry for snapping at you..I know we said we’re going to change and make things right from now on..I was just angry….”
Me:”its k…”(I shrugged) That was all I could manage to say back
He leaned forward and gave me a peck on my cheek..
Ismail:”that was kulsum(ismails eldest sister that lived in Eastern cape)..giving me hell about everything at home…”
I just looked at him and nodded an ok..
Ismail:”I’m sick of them always bringing you into things..I’ve always believed everything they’ve said..the one talaaq I gave you just after you gave birth was because of the crap they keep telling me…now also…she keeps insisting that its you..its your fault..that you’re filling my ears and you making me hate the family…I can’t take it anymore….”
I was hurt inside…I always knew they were behind our many many arguments and fights but hearing it from the horses mouth somehow just hurts so much more..I still didn’t say anything…I didn’t know what he felt right now…
Ismail:”as much as they’ve always said about you…you never say anything back…you never insult them but you don’t even stand up for yourself..why?”
Me:”why should I?is there any point in it?it will just make you more angry..and I get scared when you angry..I’m scared that you going to start beating me up….”
Shooh…did I just say that?I hope that doesn’t make him more angry..I looked in his face for a reaction..
Ismail:”I ve always had a bad temper…I get frustrated..I can’t help it…from the time I was a kid..I just..I don’t know…”(Clearly frustrated again)
All I could do is nod..I don’t know what to say…I chose to change the subject for now..
Me:”are you hungry?”
Ismail:”yeah, I’m starved..let’s order something so that we can collect when we get home..what are you feeling for?”
I turned to ask the kids but they’d already fallen asleep..long day I guess..
Me:”umm..anythings fine with me..I’m just feeling abit nauseous…”
Ismail:”oh no!should I stop on the side of the road?”
Me:”no!its k….I don’t know why I’ve been feeling like this since yesterday..”
Ismail just smiled…”Maybe..”
Me:(giggling)…”Noooo…I don’t think so love..I can’t be..not right now, we have too many situations to deal with…”
Ismail:”well that’s not in our hands now is it?”
Ismail loves kids…when we’re around people he’ll prefer hanging out with the kids and making them scream and run all around the place..rather than having a meaningful conversation with the adults..
Before we got married he always used to joke that he wanted nothing less than 10 kids..lol…well he can dream…I ain’t producing a nation!
Ismail:”I think I’ll just order debonairs….the kids love pizza also..and its quick..I still need to go over to aqeel for my CV…don’t want to be out too late…”
Me:”ya that’s k..”
Ismail called to place the order for a large four seasons, a regular club pizza and a chicken tikka sub..think he was really hungry..but so was I, I’m sure I could swipe them all right now…
He put the phone down after ordering and slowed the car down abit…
Ismail:”hey! There’s a chemist on this road that’s open…(Reading).trading hours for your convenience monday to sunday 8am to 10pm…”
Me:(smiling)”so??you need something?”
Ismail:”yip…but you going in..”
Me:”k what am I getting…”
Ismail:(smirking)”one of those tests..what are they called again…?”
Me:”baaaabbbES….noooo!I don’t think I am..I think its just a bug”
Ismail:”so then if its just a bug…you can go to the doctor tomorrow and check it out and if it isn’t..(Wink)…come on!it won’t hurt to just check…”
Me:(sighing a beeeeg sigh)..”okaayyyy!”
I got out of the car and reluctantly went in to get a midstream home pregnancy test..
We continued and drove to debonairs to collect our pizza…we were so hungry that we couldn’t even wait to get home before opening up and starting to devour it while we were still in the parking lot…
Ismail was busy taking a bite and staring ahead of him with his eyes WIDE open…I thought he was enjoying his pizza so much that he was shocked at its deliciousness….I giggled and just as I turned to look infront..the smile from my face was immediately wiped away and my reaction resembled ismails….SHOCKED!!!
Me”what the….?(Almost choking)”