The ball is in my court now…but its also not fair of me to take advantage of his delicate nature at this moment…I love this man with all that I have and I’m willing to pull through another couple of years to make sure he’s stable…
What wretched parents he had..I always knew my mother in law was a witch..but to this extent?do they not realize the damage they’ve caused to not only their sons life, but to mine aswel?and if he didn’t decide to change then to my childrens life also…
I have to be the main pillar here..I have to be strong for this broken man….who has many regrets that are eating him up in his life….
I have to be the one to make sure my kids have a better upbringing than he did…
I have to be the one to hold this family together..its upto me to either make this…or break it….
I hugged ismail…..and I kissed him like I’ve never kissed him before..passionately…so that he knew what it felt like to be truly loved….he needs every bit of extra attention,affection…and every bit of pampering…..I’m going to make sure he knows what its like to be happy and successful….
I still had my arms around his neck while he held me around my waist….I looked him deep in the eye and said….
Me:”we going to pull through all of this side by side my love…as from today…there’s a brand new beginning for us….we going to live like we have no more worries..we not going to brood over the past and the mistakes we or anyone else has made…we going to love eachother and no-one else and we going to give our kids the best that we possibly can….and we going to do all of this together..okay?”
Ismail hugged me again and kissed me crazily all over my face making me giggle…atleast this whole depressing picnic was starting to get abit light hearted…
Ismail:”come on!….you going to starve my little baby in there..bring me that basket and let’s see what yummy treats my gorgeous wife packed for our romantic picnic..”
I blushed like a new bride…I felt like a new bride..well ofcourse….we were starting from the beginning of our marriage..making right what was wrong….
We enjoyed ourselves acting like little kids…tickling eachother and talking of only good things…it felt so good to have a friend again…and ismail didn’t leave me for a second…his one hand was around me throughout the afternoon..
It was nearing asr already..I couldn’t believe how time flew….like they say…”Time flies when you’re having fun”…..atleast I know I don’t have to say goodbye to him..his my husband and we can make new happy memories every single day….and actually we were getting rewarded for all this by the Almighty…
How great is Allah…that for taking enjoyment in your spouse..spending extra time with eachother..making eachother laugh and smile…we are getting rewarded for every second of it…truly amazing our Creator is….that for every haraam thing, there’s a halaal alternative…so why do we always turn to the haraam instead…strange are human beings honestly..
We packed our things up into the car and drove home..ismail held my hand all the way home..he didn’t let go…not even to change gears..he did that even with my hands in his….I felt so in love…
Me:”please stay the way you are…I love you like this…..(And I gave him a peck on his cheek)”
Ismail:”luv you…with your help sweetheart…I will…just promise me that you’ll never leave my side?ever?”
Me:”I promise I won’t….actually…there was a friend of mine from school that I remember did psychology…I think she opened up her own practice just out of town….maybe I should try and get her number from someone…”
Ismail:”err…I actually would prefer going to a man love…if that’s okay with you?…and someone who doesn’t know too much about me or my family…a stranger sort of…”
Me:”ok…sure…we’ll find someone..maybe I can ask her, since she’s in the field, if she knows of any males…preferably muslim…they’ll know how to counsel us with proper islamic advice…”
Ismail:”us?(Raising his eyebrows)”
Me:(smile)yeah!you did say you want me to always be by your side didn’t you?(Innocent smile)but if you don’t want me to come with you its fine(pouting)”
Ismail:”(kissing my hand)ofcourse I want you with..(Smile)..I was going to ask you but I didn’t know if you would agree…I’ve put you through so much…I’m sure you also need to speak out your fears and heartaches…it will do us both good..”
Me:”you put me through so much?when?(Sarcastic)”
Ismail laughed and hugged me close to him while driving…
Instead of driving straight home, he stopped at aqeels office….
Ismail:”I hope you don’t mind…I just needed to stop by and collect something?I won’t be long….sorry?”
I looked at him confused….and then just smiled…
Me:”its okay..but don’t take too long k….its going to get late for asr…”